The Guys

2006-10-28T00:41:00.000+08:00

a levels coming soon. in a few days.

good luck everyone..

all the best =)

-gene

2006-09-04T18:57:00.000+08:00

hohoho. looks like this blog is dead! well just as well. too much negative publicity anyway.

i am one very mentally drained guy right now. just came back from some computerised pilot selection test at CMPB. it was a hell 5 hours test. a lot of psychomotor nonsense where you gotta co-ordinate your hand eye movements, multi-task between 3 to 4 things all at once.
well it was a surprise as i met two yfc buddies there. ivan and iskandar. hahas the deja vu came all over again. feels as if its 1.5 years ago where i applied to joined YFC, the hundred of millions of selection processes there was, just like now, but this time, RSAF!

well hopefully i get through, else i gotta think of another career alternative already.
argghh miss phy geog lesson today though.

theres nothing much thats been going on recently, except that im surviving on instant noodles? im one very very broke man right now. i believe im gonna be in very deep financial shit pretty soon. meet my doom.
which is not the right time to happen. prelims is 7 days away and im only halfway through my revision. not counting today, that makes 6- since i dont have the mental energy to continue doing anything after that 5 hour nonsense at RSAF.

many things been going on my mind. i feel so so distracted, seem so lost everyday. somethings that are troubling me that nobody would probably ever know. life do seem meaningless at time, don't it? sighs. theres nothing i can do abt my problems. nothing at all. im so helpless.
well i guess the only thing i can do is to try not to think abt them and just try to focus on studying

well i guess everyone shld be studying hard right now.! do keep the pace people. work hard and we shall reap the fruits soon (i hope. >.<)

theres walla mugging session this friday! looking forward to it. long time never mug with the walla dudes!
hahahas

-gene

2006-08-19T19:34:00.000+08:00

hello its the lifeless me again, trying to revive this place which has been dead for quite awhile with no interesting posts by sanjay evan and clement.
where are you guys. lols all busy mugging for prelims?

ah its 23 or 24 days to the prelims. and 74 days to the freaking a levels.

and a couple of months before we will all shave bald and lose our hair.

oh well its been a long time since i last had a life. haven went out for proper leisure activities for a long long time. ive forgotten when i last stepped into town or even went to the jacuzzi/steam bath downstairs even.

every day its night study programme, night study and night study. ahahaas
oh well. college life is really coming to an end pretty soon people.

don be too stressed eh people.

-gene

2006-08-13T19:44:00.000+08:00

i hereby declare this blog dead.

-.-

-gene

2006-07-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

ah... sexy sexy... good evening everyone. well i have to say its been a rather fiesty week in waseelinlaobei and i have to say i've seen conflicts boil... mostly revolving around Evan and Eugene(obviously with Calvin at the center of debate). i've got to see AI and CI and Passerby get in all the verbal discusions as a result of Evan's GUAILAN and Eugene's STRAIGHT TO THE POINT(this also applies to Evan) posts. its been really a monumental week in waseelinlaobei's history.

As a tribute to the past week...i'd love to add on to wad's already been spelt out by my mates. well...i think for calvin, i told u this b4. u really gotta get ur act together. have ur own say. know where u stand and all. if u really wanna be in this group, work and do something about it. no point following the group without uttering a single word. if not, u can leave. simple. u don fit. u juz don't. find another puzzle in which u can fit.

ah...now... the most interesting part. AI, CI, Passerby...whoever lah. its really humouros checking out ur tags. i mean. why do u have so much will to fight for Calvin?? do u ppl actually really feel for Calvin or are u all juz trying to attract some attention by seemingly trying to showcase ur intellect in response to Evan's and Eugene's posts and sarcasm? i gotta say... there's really no point trying to GUAILAN Evan. u try that, he'll gun u down ten times more(if u realise evan i'm praising u here, but don get too cocky ok?). i feel u guys were juz trying to outsmart "The Waseelinlaobei" with ur so called "intellectual" remarks. please.. save ur faces and the intelligence u have left and use it somewhere else.. we use our intelligence in this blog coz its OURS. if u think its nonsense, thats ur problem, not ours...and we CAN SAY WAD WE WANT HERE. noone is to stop us...but u ppl on the other hand, u can choose not to say and i advise u(STRONGLY ADVISE U) to consider about not tagging here again. u have a choice

but nonetheless, i would like to thank these "taggers" for making the whole week more eventful with all ur "intellectual" remarks but sadly, i think its come to an end and ur job here is done... so .. BYE BYE!!

Long live "The Waseelinlaobei"

-who else??? me lah!!!(for those who dunno, it sanjay...i don do "anonymous")

2006-07-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

ok.. just 1 night and so much had happened. i did what i was nt supposed to do, and now i got all the shit happening to me.

i seriously dont want things to turn out this way, esp to evan. i didnt expect my friend will come out with all that.i dunno how im going to face u all.i dunno whether u all will give me the chance.

the thing is at the start, i noe im quite weird.i tried to change.it most probably didnt work, looking at how the things have strained between me and certain pple.

i dunno how im going to get forgiveness and acceptance from u pple.i admit to the fact that i cant stick along with u all.but i hope that things can get better.i noe u all wld most probably want me to leave. i just hope that i can get to noe why or sth, or u all can give me the 1 more chance to be the real me.

calvin.

2006-07-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

Oh look who's here. Anonymous guy yet again. So why not introduce yourself, join the party :) Sigh, what's this with anonymous guys anyways... Got the balls to "settle" with others, but no balls to take responsibility for the one thing that belongs to you, your identity?

Oh well, the strange things juveniles do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not fabricating anything. I'm simply stating facts. The fact remains, that if you really are the hero you claim you are, wanting to solve your friend's problems, then why tag anonymously?

Hmm, CL could mean a million people. Calvin Lee, for one. Maybe Cunt Lover, or Castrated Lanjiao, or whatever.

I mean, surely it couldn't stand for one of the above suggested nicknames, but unless you identify yourself, there really isn't much point for debate anyways. We don't talk to people who hide :)

Wanna be macho, then don't cower behind the walls of internet. It'll give you a false sense of courage, a heroic delusion.

I mean seriously, how the hell are you going to settle this anyways?

You wanna hit us? Fight us? Challenge us to some street fight?

Well, i strongly suggest against it, because if you do so, you jolly well kill us.

As far as things go, and Mrs Murthy from GP class explains, the death penalty still exists.

But then again, I doubt someone who hides behinds the mask of a pseudo-name possesses the courage whatsoever to commit murder. If you don't kill us, we'll see you in jail. :)

If you think for two seconds we won't get you, I'm sorry to shatter your miserable delusions. We will report you. Who knows, you gotta pay for the hospital bills too :)
Plus sit your ass around a fucked up prison, while we sue your fucking ass all the way to hell.

Anyways, I don't see the reason why you're getting mad anyways. Well, let me put it this way. If the entire clique is giving Mr. Calvin Lee a hard time, then the burning question remains : What is he still doing sticking to us? If you're not happy with the way you're treated, LEAVE.

We're sending a straight on signal : YOU'RE NOT WELCOME

It's that simple. We're taking drastic measures to remove a piece of chewing gum stuck to our shoe. It juz won't get off. Initially we'll drag the shoe off the floor, then we'll use a piece of paper to get it off. If all else fails, we use our hands. Ever walked around with a piece of chewing gum on yer shoe? It's fucking irritating, and you can't walk properly.

Well, no one's forcing him to be with us. He chose to stay. We can't forcefully guailan anyone. So if you think about it, he wants to take the shit. If he doesn't he could leave. He could go and be friends with you, Mr. CL macho guy. Take him under your wing, take care of him, protect him, do whatever you want. Hell, you can even fuck him. We don't care. The point is, he isn't welcome here. ANY idiot can tell that we don't.

If he left when he wasn't accepted into the group, then we would have respected him. At least he knew where he stood. But since he stuck to us like glue, and refused to leave, then what respect is there? Respect is to be earned, my dear Mr. CL, and i'm sorry to say your dear friend has not earned our respect.

I'm asking you to be logical here. Look at the things as they are placed upon the tables of reason. Every single time we guailan Calvin, we're telling him to leave. He didn't. So who's the one at fault here? By not sticking to us, he won't be guailaned anymore. It's simple isn't it. But he decides to stay. Whether its him wanting to fit in or whatever, that isn't the point. The POINT is that he chose to stay. He chose this. What we're doing is perhaps not the nicest thing to do, but it's necessary. We can't tolerate much of him further, and we've tried the other "nicer" ways, but it didn't work. Put yourself in our shoes and consider our options for once.

I'm offering you the alternative solution, which is to be rational, and not screw up your life. Like I said, hit anyone of us, and we'll see you in court :) Basically, we have the legal leverage. Additionally, us being guailan to Calvin is not even close to being a reasonable excuse for assault. Call me ball-less, well I am, if u refer to my previous posts(sigh). I suggest you do not attempt anything stupid. While the other guys may attend to your request of a fight, lay any finger on me and well, I'll see that you're duly punished. Don't say I didnt warn you. =) Our country is rather unforgiving when it comes to ex-convicts... if you know what i mean :)

Don't let go of your life, your education, your future, for another person. I understand Calvin is your friend, but are you willing to give up everything for another person? Ok, let's say you give us a beating. Let me assure you that if Calvin continues to stick with us, we're not gonna stop being his best friends :)
So you'll basically screw up your life, and still not help Calvin eventually. So why not do this the easy, painless, and most efficient way.

Shut the fuck up. Get the hell out of our sight. Take Calvin with you.

Sorry if i sounded too harsh. I'm afraid you wouldn't get the message, the same way Calvin fails to get ours. You know, feathers of the same bird flock together. Just being careful you know, don't want you to get the wrong idea.

You got a few choices the way I see it.

1. Attempt to beat us up and get your ass kicked anyways. Calvin remains fucked.
2. Attempt to beat us up and you kick our ass. Calvin remains fucked. You're fucked.
3. Attempt to kill us. Calvin remains fucked. You're hanged by the court of law.
4. Attempt to kill us. Calvin remains fucked. You escape but live forever in guilt.
5. Be Calvin's friend. Love him. Cherish him. Do what we couldn't. Leave in peace. We go in peace. Fair, painless. As a free gift, Calvin leads a better life away from us, and you don't need to jeopardize your life.

Choice 5 seems a good bargain, compared to the rest :)

Think about it. I hate to see another soul go down in flames.

-evan. man i wanna be a lawyer when i graduate.

2006-07-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

to calvin:
whining and complaining up here about your screwed up life aint going to help you get anywhere. im serious. what help do you think it will net you?
now let me talk some sense into you.

you whine about your bottomless pit, which consists of your mediocre grades, your fitness levels not ready for NS, us guailan-ing you. have you ever thought of why? why all these are happening? things don just happen you know.

your mediocre grades: you aint some genius who can score triple As without touching some books okay. welcome to college. you HAVE to fucking open your FUCKING books and start hitting on them. u have been getting 4Fs like since how long? have you woke up yet? you wan to sleep during lessons, when you arent even performing. you don want to repeat year 1, yet you wouldnt work hard enough. when you know you suck, you gotta work on it, doubly, or much harder than the rest of us. you might complain. "hey eugene! you also sleep in class everyday!" i sleep because i have short attention span, but when i go home, i do hit my books and try to catch up.

you need help man. you really need help. if you do not want to be in a sorry state next year when u receive ur results, you better do something.

your fitness: cant pass NAPFA? think you cant go through NS? its all mind over body. you want fitness. you wan to pass, you wan to go through NS without dying. you gotta work for it. you gotta hit the gyms. people don become fit from sitting in front of the com. the rest of us here normal humans WORK OUT (or at least initially) to get certain standard of fitness. you aint superman alright? muscles dont fall from the sky. you cant grow them by rotting alrite? wake up. wake up.

us guailaning you: ever wondered why? why you are the subject of our endless disturbing, criticisms and stuffs? its really how you are behaving. theres just something weird about you, cannot be put simply into sentences. but really, theres too much of you trying to fit in but cant seem to, instead you become "trying too hard". and the funny things you do. ah i really nothing to say la. look at "project kayda", if you realised how cheesy that was. shucks and we thought all our waseelinlaobei songs were really cheesy, until u came out with project kayda, we were like wow. you really the god of cheesiness.

go think about it calvin.

to whoever CL is:
firstly, fuck off =)
why are there people in this world who seems to think that they are heroes, garang and almighty? "settle them for you?" I would love to see you settle me. come get me.
we are trying to help calvin be a man. be a guy who face up to his problems, so just fuck off alright? get lost.

-gene

2006-07-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

sick.tired.full of fatigue.

another week comes to a close.nearer to prelims.and the more i feel like quitting.im nowhere close to any1 in class.at a bottomless pit.

nearly everyday is my birthday.how nice is that?no presents, just a birthday song.

im really the ultimate loser, what God? thats fuck.
a fucked up person in a fucked up situation.thats how it stands.

and it wont change.

pple will still celebrate my birthday.pple will still sing those songs.pple will still talk abt 34 x 2 + 1.

wad to do?nothing.i will most probably flunk my A lvls, lose $$ in betting and in stocks, and go to NS feeling like fuck.

me like a caterpillar? thats so not true.
calvin.still loserly.still lousy in anything.

2006-07-16T19:25:00.000+08:00

What a day. I slept at 4.30am. Woke up at 7.30am. Had breakfast. Packed my guitar. Took off to my old house to get my $500 worth of financial assistance from MOE. That's probably the only good thing that happened to me in a long time. Reached Jurong East at 1.30pm. Waited. Waited. And waited. Until 5.30 where the event finally began. We were supposed to start at 2.30... and then it got pushed to 5.30... and then it got pushed further to 6.30. From 30 mins worth of jamming time, we were cut down to playing only 2 songs.

Which was worse, cuz we screwed up the 2 songs.

1. I'd Rather Be In Love - Michelle Branch

- rather easy, no difficulty whatsoever. Girly Pop Rock kinda stuff. We screwed up.

2. Lay Me Down - The Wreckers(which comprises of Michelle Branch)

- even easier, noob song. We screwed up.

The vocalist could barely be heard. Why? One of the guitars was about 500 percent louder than the rest of us. Even the drums. And the guitar was not mine. I mean, it made absolute sense to turn around and turn the volume knob down. How difficult is that? If the volume is too loud, then reduce it. The fucking amp is behind you. Turn the fucking knob. DUH. How fucking hard is it to do so. Perhaps he didnt realize that the volume was too loud. Then maybe he's fucking deaf in the fucking ear. Perhaps he didnt realize that he could reduce the volume from the amplifier. I don't know, but whatever it is, I did whatever i could to help. I stopped playing in the middle of the song in order to try and rectify the obscene level of his volume with his pedal, but it didn't work.

Oh, i tried. I tried to remedy the situation. He just stood there. And drowned the entire library with entertaining white noise. Oh well, he then told it "It wasn't my fault". Sure, it wasn't. I agree, totally it wasn't your fault. Of course it wasn't your fault. But it sure as hell wasn't mine.

2 songs. 2 songs and we can still manage to screw things up. We were planning for 7. What else could have happened? We can't even play a single song coherently together. So much for being a band.

Well, we can't blame any one person. Sanjay is a fantastic drummer, Sze Min is a great vocalist, and Ching is one the best guitarists in school. So its my fault. I'm just not good enough. After all, I was the one who cost us the loss in talentime. I was too individualistic. They're probably gonna blame me for this post anyways. "Oh you're too exaggerating." "Oh, stop making a big deal out of it." "Oh, stop throwing a tantrum."

Is it? Is this too exaggerating? Every performance I had I walked off the stage feeling like a piece of shit. Why? We never pull it off. Its not even close to good. I'm not asking for perfection. I'm asking for satisfaction. That's all there is to it. The worst thing were the claps. Patronizing claps. I hate that. However weak I am in my guitar skills, I am after all a performer. I want to perform, I want to make music. The last fucking thing i need is to be shown false appreciation.

So this is what i get for practising every fucking night. Every god damned night i pick up my guitar and i practise the songs we do. I'm not exactly into all of this Michelle Branch, Avril Lavigne shit. But I practise it anyways. In the end what do i get? Fucked up reactions from the audience. Fucked up performance. Fucked up attitude. Fucked up everything. Don't get me wrong. I'm fucked up too.

I don't ever want to walk off any fucking stage and regret the performance. I don't ever want to get fucked up results after i've given everything i got for something.

If we played our best, and we still lost, then i got nothing to say. Then we lost with dignity. But if we lost because of a fucked up performance, then there's the shame. I don't know about how the others feel, but this is how i feel.

At least i'm prepared to give it 110 percent. But this is a band. It's not enough for me to not make mistakes. It's not enough for me to not fuck up. If you fucked up, then you jolly well take the shit. Don't fucking tell me not to fucking fuck you up, because if you didnt fuck up, then there's nothing for me to fuck you up for.
If that didn't make any fucking sense, then you should fuck off.

I'm not going to harp on this anymore. I've got to move on. It so much easier to do things alone. Nothing to coordinate. Nothing to worry about. Everything under control. From now on i'm gonna concentrate on my own guitar. My own sound. My own practising. Call me selfish. At least when i screw up i only have myself to blame. That way it'll feel less fucked up.

-evan. sorry for the length. sorry for the tantrum. i'm only human.

2006-07-16T00:32:00.000+08:00

Well, as you can see, our love guru here Calvin has decided to bury a blade into a TV set!

Woah, that's some violence.

That certainly is NOT going to help you with any relationship, since people are generally disapproving of violent people.

But it doesn't matter for you, of course.

After all, you're the god of romance!

Cupid Incarnate!

1000 times cuter too :)

So I guess the negative effect of being violent really would not compromise any affection any girl has for you. *Grovel*

Being a deity, you should have more confidence in your omnipotence!

Why do you think we've sung birthday songs for you every break? Why do you think we composed your song you posted on the blog? Why do you think we mention you at every possible chance?

We LOVE you! We thrive in your presence! We idolize you more than anything!

You ask why.. perhaps... Why should I be so godly? Why should I be immortalized in such a way? Well, such things are hard to explain. Why do we look the way we do? We can't answer that. Ask yourself that question. There's really no answer, isn't there? The fact that you're blessed with such gifts make you a really special person, and you should never let that go to waste. Especially when you're qualities surpass anyone of us.

You're bigger than you think you are. Only you are holding yourself back. If you decide to push forward, push further, and break the glass cuffs that bind your limbs. Shatter these restrictions and you will discover so much more that you can do with your new found freedom, and new found strength.

All hail the new and reborn Calvin! All hail his might! All hail his charm! I will be the first to follow in your footsteps and gather supporters in your name!

If that ever happens.

I sincerely hope that day will eventually come.

I really do.

You really don't know whether to trust me or not, don't you?

Let's put it this way. At least you know the uncertainty in me.

What about the other people who you can't see the uncertainty in?

The people who do not openly show their how much they dislike you and everything you are, but speak of you behind your back?

The scary thing is always not what you know. Its always what you don't know about.

Are you getting paranoid?

You're probably going to reply and say that you don't care.
You're probably going to say that it doesn't matter to you.

It's easy to say things like that :) It's incredibly easy to put on a false front and seem cool about things. How long are you going to lie to yourself?

It's all bullshit.

You're going to feel the constant pressure, the undying pain of being in the limelight.

For the wrong reasons.

People staring at you, judging you, putting labels on you, before they even know you.

Aren't you desperately searching for one who can really understand you? Aren't we all searching for someone who can see through us?

Even if it means that the whole world misunderstands you, all we need is one person we can turn to. One person whom we can confide in. One person to share our lives with. We're all searching for that person. That's all there is to it. It's not the money we earn. It's not the things we do. It's not the nonsensical mathematical questions we are doing in school today. It's not any of that shit. It's about finding our soul's recognition in another person.

I understand the search can be difficult, especially when the odds are against you. The waves can get intimidating. It's not easy, definitely, especially for people like us that do get labels slapped on us before we even say a word.

Persevere. Even the ugliest caterpillar can become a butterfly. Even the ugliest duckling can become the swan it was meant to be. Even the smallest seed can blossom into the most beautiful bouquet of roses.

I'm waiting to see you grow. I'm waiting for you to rise from the ashes and spread your wings, the fiery Pheonix.

-evan. hey, cut the guy some slack man. he's just like the rest of us. a normal human being. at least i hope so. eh calvin, you are a normal human being rite? Oh yeah i forgot. He's a god. Yeah. Right.

2006-07-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

well well, wad a week! from dedicating songs to celebrating my 27th and continuous birthday, it has been quite a ride.

im NOT some1 u all shld WORSHIP wadsoever.geez.i noe its all sarcastic and stuff la.but think abt it.the 1 who is in real need of some burying company to bury is ME. who cares whether the latte is brewed or the satay hunted down, what realli matters is our study life, and for me, it really stinks.

soon, i have to meet Mr. Yeo for some latte (again.) 3 Fs dont sound nice on any1's report card right? hais, so who cares whether i get my hair styled by some gal or to have graffiti on my econs file? pple wld rather care how much i got for my physical geog DRQ or econs essay marks.

Ownage? ive been owned instead. what is (34 X 2) + 1? and if pple lose to me, they wld rahter die.i have already given a blade to a TV set.

Calvin (who has just realised tt the stress ball is in school and looking for potential sponsors to bury me.) :)

2006-07-14T19:13:00.000+08:00

Just to clarify the previous post from me, there is no sarcasm intended. All that I have mentioned are from my point of view, and obviously brutally honest. Calvin has in fact, owned me. OWNAGE! I have lost, since I am weak and feeble, compared to his infinite strength.

After being undoubtedly traumatized, I am currently in tremendous shock. Hopefully I recuperate soon, and avoid any permanent damage to my psyche.

Calvin is indeed the morale booster. Since he could do it... it gives us, the other losers, a ray of hope! If Calvin could do it, we can too!

Well, bury me is done in a more coherent fashion this time... and hopefully we get some positive response. After all the song is about burying a particular person mentioned in this post. And it's not me. =)

-evan. NOT sarcastic. NOT guailan. NOT lying. WORSHIPS calvin.

2006-07-14T18:01:00.000+08:00

update(14/07/06): the band version has just been recorded! together with sanjay's drums, evan the guitarist, chincheong's guitar accompanyment and me the sucky vocalist.

once again, limited to 25 downloads. so download it while its still available!
download here (BURY ME- FULL BAND VERSION) --->

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=56D9AFA46429BA90

the song that waseelinlaobei performed on Arts Day for Calvin is finally available for download! limited to 25 downloads because of the restricted host. (no money)
dedicated to calvin(bury you?). once again another proud production by eugene and evan. this one available for download is the plain acoustic version without all the fanciful live fantastic drums by sanjay and supporting guitar chin cheong. so yea its not as fantastic. but oh wells. still hope you will enjoy it =)

available here for download(acoustic version):

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=4B39971D6A51F44F

Lyrics:

Verse :

You, asked me how i feel
about the never-ending pain
You, asked me how things change
would i ever lie to you?

Put me down let me go
Oh bury me in your embrace
I cant look back no more
i wanna hide away from you

Pre-chorus :
If i died
would you cry?
If i stabbed myself
Would you feel the pain?

Chorus:bury me
bury me now
Dont ask me how
Just do it now

Bury me deep
Put me in
Dont ask me why
it will make me cry

Bury me quick
just Do it now
wait no more
just bury me, just bury me now

----------------------------------
to think abt it. i shld really go bury myself. along with sanjay and evan and gimsiong. no money no honey nobody loves us + our results sucks

=(

can u sense the emotions i put in while writing this song?

-gene

2006-07-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

It's 12.00am in the morning. And i'm especially bored... there's nothing really to do... I used to really want the internet, and now that I have it, i realize that it isn't really that fantastic anyways. Sigh, there's no one to talk to, and even if there were, what would we talk about? Yeah, of course the meaningless conversations and everything, but i'm abit tired to elaborate of how conversations nowadays are superficial.

I suddenly realized something. That I have lost to our dear friend Calvin in almost every aspect of my life.

Analyzing his song "Project Kayda", it appears that his hair had been fondled by a certain girl. I, on the other hand, have yet to experience my hair fondled by someone of the opposite sex.

Also, it appears that Calvin had home brewed Latte at a girl's HOUSE. I love coffee... but the only coffee I have consumed is either at the nearby kopitiam, or mostly at my humble abode... anywhere but a female's house.

Sigh... I am truly a loser. Calvin has also hunted down some girl's favourite satay. Analyzing my sad life, I realized that I have not yet hunted down any girl's favourite food! Oh my god!!

Well, Calvin did get a girl with a sweet smile, giving him the benefit of the doubt of course... since his lyric included "I love the sweetness of your smile". Well, I've met many girls with sweet smiles, they just don't seem to be fond of my smile. Which I do understand, because I'm not a delusional person. Sigh... a girl with a sweet smile played with his hair. Now i'm getting jealous.

"I love the decorations on my econs file"... I had my fair share of vandalism on my econs files... thanks to people like Adeline who enjoys drawing smiley faces. But no, not a girl with sweet smile with a certain affection for me. Calvin wins again... counting the above bouts, I have been owned 5-0.

OWNAGE!! I have been owned by Calvin... and its not a pretty sight. Sadly enough, there's nothing much I can do about this unfortunate fact. Why is that so? Well allow me to explain.

Firstly, meeting a girl with a sweet smile would be mandatory. Okay, seeing is the easy part. Meeting, well that's another story. A totally different story. I believe my luck is particularly down especially for matters which involve achieving any sort of affection from the opposite sex.

Secondly, I need to get close to her, such that I would get to hunt down her favourite satay or whatever. Impossible. Unlike Calvin, I do not possess his inherent qualities that are totally, beyond me. Girls flock to him. Girls seem to all be magicians around me. They simply disappear, much to my disappointment.

This goes to contribute to the reason why no girl will ever play with my hair. For obvious reasons, as well as the impossiblility of me being able to con any girl to touch any part of my body.

I can't believe it. Calvin did it. I think we've all been being bastards to the wrong person. This man here did what most of us couldn't do! He managed to work against the odds and transgress the boundaries of his supposed limitations to finally have his hair entangled with a woman's fingers!

THIS MAN SHOULD BE OUR IDOL!

He has the mojo! He has the power! He has the charm! He has the looks! He has everything that I do not have. By worshiping the god of romance, maybe there could be a teeny weeny improvement in my absent love life.

Oh holy successor of Cupid, bless me with the power!!!
Teach me how to get my hair entwined with the fingers of a woman!!!
I am willing to learn, master!!
Give me a chance! I will not fail you(i hope)!!

-evan. who finally sees the light and repents. Forgive me all powerful Calvin!! I grovel beneath you're omnipotence! Bestow me with the strength needed to escape singlehood!!

2006-07-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

hey hey.... i need a honey too...how how??...so close to the A levels ah....gene...evan...how?? haha...i really lonely ah... No money..No honey...Nobody loves me... NmNhNlm club...haiz...

although i'm a member of this club and have been since the start of this year after entering 05a07....i would like very much to give up this membership..haha..on the brighter side...MY FA CAME!!!!!!!!! mine and eugene's...i'm now at evan's house typing this...his FA hasn't come...he'd better go and check soon...haha...many things to do man!!!!!!! get new speakers...new sound card....new things...woohoooo!!!!!!!!

BUT BUT BUT

no honey....how??? help me...eugene...evan...how??? haiz... haha

who else??? me lah!!!

2006-07-12T02:54:00.000+08:00

Sigh... my illusion sucks...

No money, no honey, nobody loves me.

And its all tied together. Due to be having no looks, no talents, and no money...

I have no honey. Thus nobody loves me. Maybe except my mother.

Sigh... my illusion sucks big time.

Even my $500 dollars worth of financial assistance has not yet arrived... Sanjay's and Gene got theirs already...

I need a honey! But i can't get one cause the only improvable factor is money,
(since plastic surgery is expensive and won't help, and talents take a long time to nurture), and money just does not seem to appreciate my deep heartfelt passion for it. Money ignores me. This is some big ass vicious cycle that will result in the eternal damnation of permanent membership of the NMNHNLM club. Looks like i'm going to be on the executive commitee forever. Maybe if i'm lucky, I might even be the president!!

I'm such a loser. Damn it. I need a miracle. Now. Please? God? C'mon you're all powerful anyways... just gimme a little bonus eh... it's all negotiable... We can always reach a compromise... after all you're the boss...Yeah, I would like a new face, a new body, more money, more honeyz!!

Ok, there's no reply. There's isn't going to be one.

-evan. NMNHNLM. Desperate. Starving. Poor. Please do NOT suggest Hazel. Too exotic for my taste... especially all the nasty dandruff and armpit hair. Gross.

2006-07-10T19:06:00.000+08:00

A magic trick is only amusing when the truth is not revealed.

Isn't life alike an illusion?

If we all knew the truth, the real truth, then what's there to live?

There's no point in leading our meaningless lives if we knew that we'd all goto hell, or we'd all goto heaven, or if we knew God really existed, or etc.

This illusion is what keeps us going, in our blind and confused states. It keeps us wanting to lead our lives, it retains the meaning of our lives, only the "meaning" is meaningless because its part of a facade.

It's all fake, but because we're unsure of it being really fake or not, we give it the benefit of the doubt. In fact, we thrive in its fakeness.

How comforting to know the irony of it all. The irony that we're all living out our lives with no purpose, only with an instilled purpose of some sort that we tell ourselves we possess.

So much of revelations. So much for the truth. So much for reality. So much for life. So much for realizing this now, and then realizing that we cannot escape. So much for entrophy.

Yep, entrophy. Fucking scary aint it? :)

-evan. On the entrophy issue again. lol i'm juz bored.

2006-07-06T04:27:00.000+08:00

I've cheated death today. Quite a nice feeling. Lol, sports the whole day...

Basketball... Netball... Basketball again...

and I went to school to study.

Supposedly.

I was just wondering... If our forefathers believed the Earth was flat, and then discovered it was round... what else of our current modern world do we have misconceptions about? What else will be proven wrong in the future? What more do we not know? It would be rather foolish to say that whatever we know now is completely and entirely true... so it gets me wondering... What do we not know about the world we live in? Hmm...

Then again, do we want to know? Magic tricks are fun and exciting only when you're tricked and you wonder how its done. The moment the trick is revealed, there's no fun in watching the trick anymore. If our lives is shrouded in the veil of the great "trick", then if all is revealed, where's the purpose in living anymore? If we all knew that we were guaranteed to go to heaven, then where's the will in living anymore? We're going to goto heaven anyways, so why bother thinking and planning so much?

People don't like to discuss such things. I ask them why? And I usually don't get an answer. But I ask, why not? Why not discuss the things that matter? People don't have purposeful conversations anymore. They don't talk about things that actually matter. They talk about the next movie they're catching, the next handphone, the next bag, the hot girl in some class. Everything, but what matters. Our world, the truth of our world, the illusory reality we seem to be living in. All these other things that some people don't understand, and do not want to understand. The first step to moving forward is to understand why you have to move forward. It's not that people don't want to move forward. It's just that they don't want to understand why... and then they continuously question themselves why should they move forward, and continuously putting it off... again and again and again.

All this philo shit! All this lit stuff! Are you sure its literature stuff? Or is it simply literature that brings things like this in front of our faces. I can't fabricate lies and talk about them here. I base what i have to say on the truth, and all i'm doing is highlighting what has already been here, what we all know, and emphasizing on that. Sometimes we forget the most important things in life, which is to live our lives, and not just exist. If you fail to recognise the reason why you're here, then you cannot live. You only exist.

Literature is about Life. Life is not something to be ignored. Life is us. We should not ignore ourselves, our world, our everything. Remember what you have forgotten, remember Life. Forget existence.

-evan...no money, no honey, nobody loves me.

2006-07-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

tml is freedom paper. temporary that is. a well deserved break for working our socks off, irregardless of looking at odds or looking at econs, u all finally will get ur 4 days of rest at 1100.

i cant seem to get much into my head. JUST finish studying population.now to urban geog.later tourism.studying thru the morning.

happy studying.and chilling.

calvin.

2006-07-03T19:04:00.000+08:00

---january 2006---
scenario:
i step into the grounds of my alma mater.
some random cadet sights my arrival: "company DIAM! GOOD MORNING SIR"
me(pretends to look fierce and expressionless): good morning
random cadet: "permission to carry on, SIR!"
me: carry on.
random cadet: "company, at EASE!"
me thinks: haha these hundred plus cadets have to greet me upon my arrival, greet me every morning, afternoon and night and have to abide by my orders.

---january 2007---
scenario:
reporting for BMT. me walks and sees a sergeant who stops me.
Sergeant ABC(looks at my nametag): RECRUIT TOH. YOU THINK ARMY IS HOLIDAY CHALET IS IT? YOUR HAIR SO LONG? YOU THINK THIS IS YOUR FATHER'S ARMY IS IT?
me: sorry sergeant, i will get it rectified.
Sergeant ABC: sorry? you go tell the ground sorry. CARRY ON FIFTY THOUSAND.
me: one, sergeant. two sergeant....
fift.....y thousand... sergeant..

------------------------------------

haha just thinking about the contrasting scenarios. think i will need time to readjust to getting screwed upside down by crazy physical training instructors pretty soon.
thinking about it, im only less than 5 mths away from army.

and less than 4 mths away from A levels.
in fact..
17 weeks.

soon.. bye bye to the studying world.

hello recruit toh! did you sleep well? ready for morning exercise?
knock it down.

-gene

2006-07-03T15:24:00.000+08:00

Battle of the Bands is on 8th July!! Saturday!! 10 to 4....

All that reads this please come down!!!

Band performances, solo performances and whatnot!!

Pls come down n support us!!!!

-evan

2006-07-03T02:35:00.000+08:00

I was just listening to project kayda!!

i love the way you play with my hair.....

lol... no world cup tonite... =(
but we did accomplish alot of practise... and we're getting somewhere.

Talentnite has made some amendments to the amount of time we're allocated...
15 mins to 10 mins... looks like we can't do that many songs...

Econs paper on tuesday... Haven't studied...

Damn.

-evan, sleepy, tired, sick.

2006-07-02T01:24:00.000+08:00

Hotmail is up! New address... evangoh1987@hotmail.com

bloody messenger thing... cannot login... damn it.

We got thru the auditions for this Charity Fiesta thingie...

Many events coming up... Hopefully I dun mess up the performances.

Going to my favourite singh boy's house 2morrow to practise our instrumentals and watch world cup....

hopefully we can get a great arrangement for the instrumental and kick ass on talentnite.

Hopefully.

This is our chance to leave a legacy. This is a chance for us to do something that we can be proud of. This is a chance for me to validate my existence.

YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

-evan... the prev post was from me also. stupid messenger.

2006-07-01T23:43:00.000+08:00

Somebody help me!! MSN is failing on me...
I can't log in... it says the service is temporarily unavailable... which is bullshit cuz someone else could login on my com.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!!

Plus i can login at the hotmail website... n i have no firewalls.. so what is the problem!!!!

2006-06-30T20:22:00.000+08:00

lalalalalala!!! sing the happy song!

lalalalalala!!! sing it all day long!

-this song proudly brought to u by smurfs-

haha...yo yo ....check out the date man...30th june...amidst the exams...hows everyone man...haha...highs or lows...don burn urselves man..haha...its gonna be a long weekend(fri sat sun mon)...so study but also take time to chill out and rest abit ppl!...HAHA....i'm juz here to lighten up the stress load aite...i'm NOT...and i stress again, NOT being a negative influence in telling u all not to study...i'm juz saying that we all MUST STUDY...but also not forget to to relax ok...i know this post is similar to the last one...but i'm juz doing this amidst the exams to remind everyone to NOT USE UP ALL UR ENERGY for this exams....we still got abit more time and when it comes to the A's...thats when the energy should peak...!!!! i'll be reminding again ah...haha....okok...i'm off for now...once again to the FELLOWSHIP OF THE WSLLB....all the best and have a splendid time during this exams!!!!!

-who else??? me lah!!!(juz watched "when a stranger calls"....oooo.....oooo....careful....ooooo)-

2006-06-28T07:03:00.000+08:00

well.early post.i did nt study at all in e morning.and i feel that a F for Econs is realy possible now.im scared.but i dunno why.even tho its nt the A Levels yet. Lack of sleep, temptations and last minute preparations wont help things.thats life.

Calvin.Scared.Worried.

2006-06-28T01:36:00.000+08:00

1.32 am now

I haven't touched my books. Econs and Lit later in the morning...

While flipping through my gothic notes earlier... i realized i was wrong.

Reality is not fiction. Some people may say there is no such thing as reality, and there's no such thing as real.

But wait. There is a reality. We just don't know which possibility is the correct reality. Its our own confusion that clouds us. Our so called reality is wrongly named the english word "reality".

There probably is a real, reality. Problem is, we won't ever know. At least not in this "life".

We are trapped, in our own ignorance. An ignorance we cannot escape from, because there is no way to know all and see all, and tell whether something is really, real.

Alternate realities? Maybe... but too science fiction for my taste, to believe. I tend to believe that one real reality exists. Either we are in it now, or we are in a layer of it, a mask of the true reality. Even our world is wearing a mask.

Everything is masked. We are trapped in the mask of the world. We are trapped by the rest of the people wearing masks. We are trapped by our ignorance of our reality's masks. Those who aren't, are trapped by the fact that they will never really know what lies underneath. We are trapped by ourselves, by our own masks, by our own identities, or what tells us who we are. We are masked the moment we enter the world, with our names, our family, our education, our job, our friends, our society. We are moulded into characters and roles which take the stage. The show. The greatest masquerade of all time. Who would i be if i weren't shaped to be who i was by all the other influences, except myself? I guess i will never know. There we go, another trap.

Some people say that no one is born a woman. One learns to be a woman. Is that so? One learns to fit into the role of a woman, take the place of a woman and adopt its characteristics. If you don't comply, you become different. You become out of that role's classification. That's why the term tomboy arised anyways. Couldn't be classified. Different. Ostracized.

Wolf-alice was a real woman. That's because she didn't learn how to be one. She simply was a woman. The reality of definitions are unreliable because there is no true meaning of things. It's just a common consensus that society has "agreed" upon. Fuck means fuck because society gave it meaning. The middle finger would mean nothing if it had no meaning attached to it. So much for definitions and facts. There are no facts anymore. Only events that occur, and whether you want to deem it credible.

Most people's blogs focus on themselves. All the time. Talk about how today's day was great, how life sucked for them, how busy they are, how this, how that. Yeah, I'm sure everyone wants a glimpse into someone's life. We're all voyeuristic anyways.
I try my best to not talk about myself too much, at least i attempt. I try to take a problem i encounter, and relate it to a bigger picture. And then it becomes philosophical shit because it doesn't sound informal(partly because of the language) and also it isn't about me all the time. It becomes as if i'm some obnoxious, arrogant bastard telling people what to do.

I agree. I sound like that. But are the issues real? Probably, if you want to agree with what i say. Either way, you will probably leave the blog thinking about some things rather than just brushing it aside as another blog entry.

If i am flamed, it just means people bother reading LONG entries that are a waste of time. This is because half of the things i blog about are things we all already know about. In fact, i'm wasting your fucking time right now. You should be studying for the econs paper tomorrow. The point is, we all know what's going on in the world. If you don't, then go find out. It's not difficult. I'm not brilliant. I found out. I'm bitter, yes i agree but it doesn't mean you will be bitter if you do become more enlightened about the world you live in.

It doesn't make sense to merely live your life in a place and die without knowing what the fuck happened. At least get to understand what is around you, understand how things work, understand why you are the way you are, and why things are they way they are. Why should we understand? Why? Simply because that's the only way you can truly live your life, by knowing what the fuck you're doing where, or at least by knowing you tried to find out what the fuck you're doing here.

We're all gonna die someday. It's just when. Can we all die without regrets? Probably not. We will always regret something in our lives because we are fucking idiots who make mistakes because "we're not perfect". Ah.. how cliche. But its true, we will fuck up. So how do we minimize these fuck ups? You can start by thinking about things and analysing the steps you take in your life. Every day we make so many choices... which underwear to wear... which bra to put on... which girl to look at when you're walking through the canteen... which stall to eat from... which meal to order... So many fucking decisions... mostly unimportant... but when it comes to something big and important... You fuck up n that's one more regret added to your deathlist.

Better stop saying "Why bother about these things? Get a life man! What's the point of talking about such meaningless things? Worrying about things won't change anything!" It won't change the fucking world, but it can lessen the times you fuck up if you make sure you think things through.

We're trapped. At least I think we are. But what can we do during this imprisonment?
Many many things. For one, I want to become a fantastic guitarist. And get laid. And earn alot of money to make this imprisonment alot more comfortable.

Imagine jail. Bad right? Imagine four poster bed with feather filled pillows. Imagine home theatre system. Imagine sexy french maid making food for you, no plates or bowls, cuz you eat off her. Imagine sexy police warden who occasionally enters to "check" on you. Imagine prison but without the prison life. Not that bad for a bargain with the devil isn't it?

You're fucked up, but at least you're being fucked up well.

Not a bad idea i'd say. At least I won't lose everything. Make the best out of the situation. Entrophy can fuck us up. But it can also make us realize that time is not to be wasted within this entrophy.

Stop wasting your time reading this long thing i've typed. Go do something worth your time. Die with less regrets than you would have, so that when you stop breathing, you can actually go with a smile from the bottom of your heart, and say

"Goodbye you mother-fucking world filled with a bunch of shit" with a cheeky grin.

Why not?

-evan, being the philosophical asshole he is. Entrophy is fucking scary, but it also means we can't escape. At all. Prison room analogy. Mmm Hmm... lick your lips :)

2006-06-27T19:01:00.000+08:00

ah...its a great tuesday evening here in my house...i'm sitting peacefully typing out this entry while listening to my favourite songs on my new computer...the sound quality is mind boggling man...haha...well..juz here to let everyone know that amidst the sorrows and the stress of life..juz remember u always have a comfort zone that u can escape to...this can come in any form... for me...its now...juz walking around my house...listening to my songs...and thinking about the things i love to do...my drums...my dancing...etc... some of u might find playing the guitar a way to release the tension(evan)...wadeva...juz wanna say...once in a while...amidst the hectic lifestyle that we are immersed and lost in, find that comfort zone of yours...and do what u like to...its a good way to find yourself once again in a confused and disjointed society(well thats the way i feel it is)...and for those of u who have been neglecting your OWN selves and interests to accomodate to the responsibilities of school...take a breather...and indulge in a bit of self discovery!!!...cheers!!

-who else??? me lah!!! (juz a lil friendly advise to let everyone know that there's beauty to be found in life no matter what state anyone is in...GOOD LUCK FOR THE EXAMS!!)

2006-06-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

Haven't touched my books.

Got a bad haircut.

Got no money.

Got no honey.

Nobody loves me.

Gonna fail this week's exam.

Stuck at current level of guitar techniques and can't seem to improve.

Feeling stupid.

Feeling desperate.

Feeling weak.

Feeling tired.

Feeling pain.

See ya.

-evan

2006-06-26T19:45:00.000+08:00

just came back from school feeling very exhausted. must finish studying econs tonight. tomorrow after maths exam still must go work. meaning i wun have time to study tomorrow for wednesday's econs.
>.<

how tedious.

sometimes you download movies, games etc from the net, they come in a zip file. these zip files are sometimes password-protected.
you can only see the filename and not the contents until you have the password to unlock the file.
but yet after you unlock the zip file, 2 results can happen. 1. you get what you want and expect (the game, the movie or whatsoever in its nice package). 2. the files are not what you expected it to be.. perhaps you have misintepreted the title and you would have wasted your time searching the net for the password to this file.

or sometimes.. you may not even find the password. what's inside the zip file will forever be a mystery. you may never be able to unlock the files of desire inside. will you then regret? or are you willing to take your time to slowly find out whats inside?

oh wells. crap from me
-gene

2006-06-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

life's been monotonous before the june holidays. wake up 7 am in the morning, bath and get ready for sch. head off to school for a long long day before going home to do assignments prepare for tests and await for the next day to come.

guess what? life's still monotonous during the june holidays. wake up 9 to 10am in the morning everyday, pack my bag, bath.. head towards school to study with the same bunch of people who studies in school everyday. its maths maths and more maths almost every single day. lunch at 12 to 1 before gg back to school to study till 6 or 7pm?
and night time its world cup time.

boring life. someone inject some magic into my life please. something unusual. at least i get to fly planes last year during my monotonous lifestyle. now i don even get to fly.
shucks

-gene

2006-06-24T20:58:00.000+08:00

I have internet!~ This is my debut entry from home!

Finally, my deprivation of internet access has ended.

It's not that fantastic, but it does become alot more convenient.

I've just set up a purevolume account... which can be reached at

http://www.purevolume.com/damnitwehavenoname

Renditions of Mariage D'amour can be found there... and probably any future productions....

Havent started mugging for mid years... probably starting tonite... I've lost the motivation to study...too many events...too many repercussions...damn

So this weekend has been eventful. I learnt a new word, and its called Pneumothorax.
Also, i've learnt the word Marfan's syndrome. If things don't go well, I might be dead very soon. If things go well, I might be dead soon, but not so soon.

Life's a bitch isn't it.

Live every day knowing you will die the next. Then only can you die knowing you lived your life.

Question everything, so that you are constantly aware of the walls around you, and whether they are gone, or whether they have moved. Limits can only restrict you, and even though we cannot see past these walls, at least we know where they are. Test how far you can go, only then will you go far, because you try.

Most of us take our lives for granted. Most of us think too little of the time we have here on planet Earth.
"Life sucks!"
"My parent's aren't giving me enough cash!"
"You don't know my problems!"

Miscellaneous problems that affect our lives. Deal with it. If you can't then face the consequences. It's that simple. Move on. Live your life. Don't waste it on contemplating and procrastinating. I've been guilty of all of the above. I still am.
Then isn't it all meaningless? Saying all of this when I am a culprit as well. Hypocrite? Probably. Saying all of this will not make anyone else who reads this change their lifestyle into that of a perfect person who is able to do the ideal, but if it is able to have a positive effect on anyone at all, why not?

We grumble too much, sulk too much, complain too much. Its true that there's a kid in all of us, that's why we grumble, sulk and complain. Maturity is simply growing a mask that is the social definition of "maturity" and then living out that role.

Running away won't solve any problems. In fact, facing it will at least allow the chance to come to terms with it. You can't deal with anything if you're escaping it.

What's the worst consequence anyways? Death? Being alive? Kid's in africa are dying from aids. Before the age of 1. What makes us think we deserve more than a year to live? That kid could have been us. We're too lucky to notice our fortune. In fact, our current status masks our ability to be contented. We're too caught up in our problems to notice anything else. You'd probably say "You don't understand what I'm going through so you should just shut up!" Well, what i've said doesn't change due to the nature of any problem. The fact remains that we should move on, despite any nature of any problem. It's that simple. Encounter problem, deal with it, move on. If you can't currently, then find some way. Otherwise, deal with losing your precious time in the name of "helplessness" and "pain".

Cliche? Yes, this is all cliche. But its true. So true but unnoticed. Even if it is noticed, it is dismissed. Why? Cuz we choose to continue trodding the path of a miserable existence. How can we ever truly be happy if we are unable to walk out of our shadows? The problems will always come. Its how we move on that matters. If we can't, we're fucked.

Basically,
1. Deal with your problems and move on. Don't be a pussy.
2. Live your life to the fullest. Don't be contained under your mask.

Yes, we're all wearing masks. We're living out the roles we were given. We can't do otherwise. In fact, we can't remove the masks the moment we're immersed in society. What we can do, is don't be taken over by it. Get in touch with your inner self, the real one. Not the mask. Ask yourself what you really want to do, not what is the correct thing to do. Ask yourself what you really feel, not what you should feel.
Are you who you are? Can you be different in your own way? Can you not be a clone? Can you not be another role that's pre-determined?

Always ask questions. So that you can die with questions to ask whatever divine being awaits, or whatever afterlife we're given. The truth, not the truth we're given here, but the REAL truth. The REAL reality, not the socially accepted reality that we believe to be reality here. Maybe we just die... and cease to exist. Maybe we continue into another "life". Maybe... maybe... maybe. Whatever the case, don't oversimplify life.

There's more to life than just our problems.

Don't die regretting. Die knowing you left a legacy, die knowing you were meaningful to the place you left, die knowing you made a difference. Don't die knowing all you did was complain and sulk about how bad life was.

Another long post from me... It can either make sense to you, or mean nonsense. Whatever it is, good luck.

-evan, struggling to make sense of the world.

2006-06-19T23:36:00.000+08:00

hmm..looks like every1 is happily mugging.now its the day before maths mock.and im only ok with stats trigo integration and my own topics.sad.looks like mid-yrs is going to be bleak once again for me.

the pple in wsllb are all winning money..except fot me..thats because they bet opposite me mah..now i sort of got this "lose $$" tag with me.wanting to shake off this unwanted reputation of mine, i decided that for this world cup, its nt worth betting for underdogs, cuz they wont do as well le. and i might bet big le.i realli dun care le.i just want to prove to my family that i can nt entirely rely on them for $$.maybe now as we all still need our family for our monthly/weekly/daily allowances, i decided that in order for me to get more, actions need to be taken. i will do more risky stuff along the way.but as long as the $$ comes, i will do whatever it takes to ensure that i get there.have i become a money minded person? yes.but i have no choice.circumstances make a man.

another thing.its kinda cocked up for a person who is 18, but in the eyes of the law is 17.cant watch M18, cant bet, cant buy packs and alcohol.thats so weird.if ur born in 1988 that makes u 18, who give a fuck whether ur born in januray or novemeber? makes life so difficult for pple under that circumstance. i even have to bet footsie thru my fren, and that is so gay. any1 can recommend bookies to me?

today quite a frustrating day, so my thots here quite fucked up.maths is screwed, but the other 2 shld be able to pull me up.hopefully.

calvin.

2006-06-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

this is a post from the 4 emo-kias, and three of them has WON MONEY on HOLLAND-IVORY COAST MATCH!

TOTAL WINNINGS:
EUGENE = $10, pay out $70!
HELMI = $10, pay out $70!
GUANGYI + JOHN = $5, pay out $35, split half.

HOLLAND ALL THE WAY. WIN MONEY!

TOMORROW ALL WEAR ORANGE AS TRIBUTE HOLLAND!

CREDITS TO: GIM SIONG, FELICIA, JOHN, BLACK, CELEST, XUE ER
Without you people, it wouldnt have been possible!

HUAT FOR NEXT MATCH AH EVERYONE. MEXICO VS ANGOLA!

-signing off
gene, matt, ah guang and evan

swee la.

2006-06-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with this person a moment ago randomly, and stumbled upon the topic of impatience.

Modern society has become so technologically advanced such that everything is so fast paced. Everything is so fast, its almost instantaneous. Fast food, hand phones, broad band connection, computer speeds, cars, planes, everything. Everything is so fast. I enjoy the speed, so i can't complain. However, this abundance of speed also brings about impatience. We have taken speed for granted, so much so that it becomes a given and we expect it to always be around. We become so reliant, so dependent on speed that the moment it is taken away, we become devastated.

We survived well on without cars. That's why we're here today. Our cavemen predecessors survived. We survived well on without the internet. It kept out the widespread attack of viruses and pornography as well as instructions on bomb making. I'm not saying that the internet is the cause of it. I'm not saying these things wouldn't have happened if not for the internet. Evil has its way around barriers.

In view of the advantage of speed we have acquired, can we be thankful and grateful?
Can we be able to savour this gift we have, and not take it for granted? Master Yoda once said that impatience and haste, leads to the dark side. He lived for at least 700 years which makes him really REALLY wise.

Patience is a virtue, or so they say.

Ok, enough of this philo nonsense. Argentina juz scored 2 goals... n eugene n guangyi are shouting out in the living room. Screams of elation. Sounds like an orgasm, but that's exactly what winning a bet can potentially give you. Probably not an orgasm, but a pseudo-orgasmic feeling.

I on the other hand, have been told I was emotional, scary, and i talk alot, by somebody I barely even know. Now i know what type of first impression i give people. I mean, is being different... being wierd? I mean, when i say somebody is wierd, am i trying to assert my own likeness to a group? If i am not wierd, and i'm calling you wierd, it basically means i fit in a particular group. But that doesn't mean i'm better.

So theoratically, a bunch of retards can be calling a genius a wierdo, and it would make sense. I'm not referring to anyone in particular.

Newsflash : 3 goals to Argentina... Screams of agony from eugene and guangyi. =) End of orgasm... beginning of nightmare.

Hmm... so have we all become clones of a social behaviour? What is accepted, and what is not, is totally decided by society... and by defying that kind of "socially-accepted behaviour" are we being wierd? If that's the case, I'm wierd. But is that a bad thing? Probably, but then again... maybe not.

Hopefully, not.

-evan, confused and disillusioned. Somebody help me.

2006-06-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

hello hello....ecuador won the match!!!! i think i juz read...eugene lost money??? hey man...chill chill...u'll win big soon man!!! haha

by the way...this post is juz created coz i stumbled over something....i was on www.youtube.com and i stumbled upon a short film production that i did during my hols between p6 and sec 1....so to all WSLLB...go check out this short clip...it was my first ever try on a camera...can't quite remember the meaning of the story all...but check it out man...haha...

go to youtube and type "the boy who asked too many questions"....go go go !!!!!

-who else?? me lah!!(sanjay)-

2006-06-15T18:23:00.000+08:00

update: I just lost my $5 on the ecuador match. haha
okay its been quite awhile since i last posted. so im going to briefly blog about recent happenings to me and the people in WSLLB.

first major event during this june holidays was liyi's birthday. it wrecked clement's brain totally as he had to come up with several ideas to make his girl happy. oh well what he did was to make a cake for her, an oreo cheesecake.(which she did not eat eventually).
on her birthday itself. we bought 200 candles. supposedly 100 for him to use for liyi's birthday, another 100 for another event but the other event didnt went through, so yea we shant talk about the other event.

it was quite a success except for the part where we had to help clement light up the 100 candles, which was quite challenging and painful(ouch, the wax) because of the strong winds. We had to light up each candle at least 5 to 6 times.
pictures of the event. sorry coverage is not good as it was in the evening and in the dark. but you can briefly picture. a rooftop lit up with 100 candles, with a guitarist playing soothing and romantic music, flowers for the girl.
sighs. sometimes in life, not everything you want to do for people gets appreciated right? sucky life.

pictures of the event: (nice?)

and well for those who are interested in the funny video of clement making the cake(actually it is sweet and yet funny at the same time, because its a video of how a macho hunky guy making cake for his beloved girlfriend's birthday, but hilarious because its clement the kingkong with his funny expressions), the video is available here at youtube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-rcA24eJ7s

a

alright. as for the rest of the first 2 weeks of the june holidays, the waseelinlaobei fellowship have been up busy with lectures conducted by members of the fellowship, enduring early morning lessons together with each other, and sometimes we are so bored we do dumb stuffs.

CLEMENT TEACHING US STATISTICS, tsk tsk, he cannot make it as a teacher i tell you

EVAN SO BORED THAT HE IS TRYING TO WEAR A SKIRT!

ME(gene) with angmoh's leg on the right, and helmi playing game on the left:

Your favourite angmoh acting cute as always

Group photo 1:

Group photo 2:

Sanjay and me

I AM SO DARN BORED

for you faithful readers out there who has been reading the WSLLB blog, we have a special video for all of you. 25 limited downloads for 7 days only. LIMITED EDITION VIDEO OF CLEMENT GETTING RAPED DURING our REVISION LECTURES! Its quite a big file, but im sure you will enjoy the interesting clip. Available here for download:
>

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=CEFEAD3239CEBFDB

Of course, all work and no play makes eugene evan and everyone else in the fellowship a dull boy right? along comes WORLD CUP! okay we have been making a loss, with me making a total loss of $50 already gambling on world cup. but without betting, no fun watching. betting makes the matches very exciting to watch.
the past one week or so, have been hanging out with ah guang(guangyi) and evan at guang's place to watch world cup. have been doing with very little sleep everyday watching almost all the world cup matches!

during these few days of world cup watching, we have been emo-ing as well. especially ah guang. oh wells. i guess things are not fine for the three emo-kias. Life hasnt been well and i guess we will have to live with this state for quite some time and it is unlikely we will be freed anytime from our misery. but the good thing is that we have grown close with all that chilling out, playing of cards. we even invented a new stupid game called "ownage". its so lame we play it when we are darn bored (during those freaking matches where nobody attacks and everybody defends).

We hereby welcome ah guang to the NMNHNLM club. must teach him how to sing the club anthem sometime soon.

World Cup BUDDIES, Ah Guang, Evan and Gene

It isnt really hard to realise that ah guang and I are hooked on gambling, is it?

MY BET FOR TONIGHT, Ecuador Vs Costa Rica. 0 goals. $5 only. hard la. just buying for fun tonight. HUAT AR

thats all about it la world cup. i just have to mention one last thing, HOLLAND! guang, john and I are supporters of the Netherlands! oh yea. holland is the only team to have won me some money so far. the next time Holland wins a match again you can see ah guang and I wear orange jerseys the next day.

and now fast track to the most recent event of the month, which is our army medical checkup. shucks. went with clement and abby for the checkup yesterday morning and our checkup went on smoothly without a hitch, one test tube of our blood drawn without any problems. Abby and Clement was certified PES A, fit for all combat vocations. I was PES A all the way till right till the end my height and weight was measured. My actual BMI was 18.0, just barely within the acceptable range. however my height was taken wrongly yesterday, i was supposed to be 171cm tall but they measured cm to be 173.5cm thanks to my hair -.0. my BMI thus dropped to 17.6, 0.4 short of the acceptable range and thrown into the PES B category(fit for all combat vocations short of SOF/Commandoes/Guards.
I was told to eat more and gain abit more mass before enlisting to be regraded into the PES A category.

After checkup, free taxi ride provided by Abby(thanks abby), we were back to Choa Chu Kang where i met ah guang and we headed to sg pools for our daily bets. lols.
lost money last night. grand total of $35. thats why only play abit today. we went to swim. crazy me. 48 hours with barely any sleep (1 hr + at max) and we went swimming. i was almost knocked out while swimming halfway.

Night time was soccer at ah guang's place. fun! blast the germans. score 1 goal only.if only they scored another goal...
sighs

been low on cash recently. bank account just hit a big fat zero. surviving barely everyday. but oh well. im still fine!

i have also updated the "all our songs" zip file upon gim siong's request, it is now available for download once again at yousendit. the zipfile contains all our songs namely
1. CHAPTER P
2. Just Like You
3. Set me free
4. No Money No Honey Nobody Loves Me (club anthem)
5. Not that Easy
6. Project Kayda
7. Just Dream

Link is here:

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=F284AA1913696186

thats all for today. what a long entry.
-gene

2006-06-15T17:06:00.000+08:00

Our perspectives change as we move on in life. I pray that your stand on this will stay, and you will truly come to never regret such a choice.

Realistic huh... I've found myself saying these words so many times. Maybe its reality that holds us back from what we could possibly become. But still, its this hope for fantasy and miracles which keep our passions alight, the flame within us alive, while at the same time it can destroy everything. The existing paradoxes of the world, reflect only how paradoxical our lives are, our theories are, our reality is. In fact, our reality constantly changes, so does your self-condemning "I'm being realistic" change? No offence, I've been in that position too. In fact, i'm a self proclaimed realist too.

Like I said, its just my personal opinion, and of course you can choose whichever path you wish to trod upon. But can you endure the pain knowing she exists within your grasp, but yet you simply cannot reach out and grab her? Can you resist the temptation hope and fantasy offers you? So near, yet so far.

But wait, you ignore that hope. Why try? Why bother? I'm gonna be rejected anyways. Well, yeah. Before you even try. Great going sport. I would have done the same. Serious. Put myself down and eventually end up stuck in the pits. Self-esteem problems aren't foreign to me. I've been blamed for it too. Ironical of me trying to tell you to be what I am not.

I'm not trying to be a bastard and dig your wounds. What i'm trying to do is state the obvious, because that's what people don't seem to see. You can ignore these wounds or you can heal them, cuz they're going to eventually rot and grow mushrooms.

It's simply a choice. Ignore the pain, or rid of it. Ignore it, and tell yourself you won't ever regret it. I find it hard to believe you won't ever regret it, but i'm not you, so i can't say for sure. But still, how well do WE know ourselves? How do you know you will never come to regret it? Perspectives change as we change. You will never always be the person you are now. Circumstances mould us, and it will mould you. So, assuming ceteris paribus, and your emotions successfully remain robotically identical until you die, you will probably never regret it. I'll salute you. You can get rid of the pain, if you get to the root of the problem. Time doesn't heal all wounds, it simply makes you numb to it.

Don't bother replying, cuz having this conversation with me won't change the way you feel. It won't change the fact that you feel something for this girl. It won't change the possibility that one day you will wake up from a dream and find yourself saying her name. For some strange reason you can't seem to remember who she is, and why you said her name. Maybe time helped you forget her. Remember, you forgot her, but you never got over her.

It's always when we say we won't regret something, that we eventually regret it. Don't say things in haste which you don't mean. It usually screws things up, and it screws you up. Like i mentioned earlier, its you're personal choice. I'm just offering you my 2 cents worth(which is really long, ok maybe 5 cents). Hey, good luck in whatever you choose to do. This is an obstacle that appears in your way, something which you experience and learn from.

Whatever you do, you will grow from it, and shape you a little more. The whole point of me spending time on this issue is in hope of you being able to focus on the more important things as soon as possible. You can say one thing, but mean another. She's been weighing on your mind, and it's pretty obvious.

There's more things in life to worry about now. Whichever way you decide to handle it, I hope you choose wisely. Take care man. I'm no saint, I'm just long-winded, guailan, irritating, confused, lost, retarded and maybe a little bit concerned.

-evan, being a bitch. Oh yeah, if this is getting to you, tell me. I'll stop, we can settle it all in a nice, sophisticated fashion. You know what i mean. :)

2006-06-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

well well.quite alot of stuff have happened.study and world cup la! both studying and watching fottie time has increased, though we still have only 24 hrs a day.my studying preparations can only intensify with the days to come.the stress is here to stay.just a matter of how u cope with it i guess.

this is a reply to evan's posts.

its quite obvious wad result i will get if i try.so what is e pt of trying when the result is all there for every1 to see? this is nt a case of me nt being confident.its a case of being realistic.i can only look.and not hold on to it and have a closer, more personal look to it.why try when i will be feeling more down after i give it a shot.
u mentioned abt me regretting nt trying.well, i wont.

calvin.

2006-06-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey.....! haha...after a long and tiring week the past week...i'm finally more free now!!! haha.... all the concerts have finally passed!!!...so now its a nose dive into my books!!! haha...not really something to be so excited about...but i'll have to start somewhere...oh yah...the concert on saturday...with evan and all..REAL TURN OFF man.... so few ppl....practically a non existent crowd...we din even wanna perform anymore lah...or at least i din want to...haha...but i guess it went ok overall...the playing...i screwed up abit...but thats saturday....SUNDAY WAS FABULOUS MAN!!!!

the concert on sunday really hit the spot...it was magnificent...see lah...the WSLLB guys...should have come man u all...haha...i really had fun ...performing wad i love to perform...it really relieves all the stress and the problems for a while and u juz feel lighter u noe...yea...i enjoy my music...wouldn't trade it for anything else...i juz love to entertain...to express myself and juz be who i am on stage!!!!!arrrggghh!!!haha...miss those moments already...its only been like a few days!!!! haha...

well..now juz gotta start my engine for studying...juz put all the focus into my revision...been doing that the past few days...started slowly...but picking up...yeah...and to all the WSLLB GUYS!!!!.....lets juz push ourselves alll the way this hols and really utilise every second of free time to its full use!!!!....full throttle man!!!!!...woooooohoooooo!!!!!!!

-who else??? me lah!!(sanjay who is feeling quite happy and high after ice cream at island creamery)-

2006-06-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is me again. No, there have been no other new posts from any of the other guys. It seems like i'm the only fellow not studying. Oh well, I better start soon.

At ah guang's place... 10.40pm... and spain just annihilated ukraine.
Yes, they lost money. *Snigger*

Being deprived of the world wide web, I'm using the internet at ah guang's place to much self satisfaction. Sigh, when will i ever get my own internet connection, which will then open the floodgates to more random ranting from me. Well of course, I may become less deprived and then rant less. Hmm...

Well, enough about nonsense. What have i been up to... Hmm... I've learnt how to vaguely do an artificial harmonic on my electric guitar. Basically its the crazy squeals that are often heard in metal music. One more trick added to my repertoire of guitar sounds.

Well, I'm pretty sad about how my life as a guitarist is going. Due to many commitments, I stopped my guitar lessons with my cool ass guitar teacher Ford about 3 months ago. Just before we were supposedly delving into the sacred art of lead playing. Yeah, it basically means the guitar solos which sound really really good.
I play guitar solos which really really suck. Mostly because my knowledge of guitar solo-ing is based on my own journey into the unknown world of scales as well as listening to alot of music.

The sad thing is, my solos always seem to sound... bluesy. Yeah, i love the blues, but there's a problem if a punk rock song suddenly has some blues solo injected into it. So yeah, I suppose I found my problem. The minor pentatonic scale is not to be abused in such a way. Every article I have seen on guitar solo-ing has told me that, so yeah, I'm determined to stay away from the minor pentatonic scale during inappropriate situations.

So, I have built up some knowledge on using the natural minor scale, or the Aeolian Mode, as well as the harmonic minor scale to achieve some sort of dark sound. More sinister, more common in metal. But no, i do not have that kind of speed. After all I've learnt guitar for only 4 months. It's no excuse, but well, we have to rationalize.

Sigh, and I havent yet played the blues. Like really play it, or record a song. Yeah, it can get a little boring especially if it turns around 50 times. But what makes it really, really special is its unique signature voice and its emotive and expressive tone. It's also the most basic form of guitar solo-ing, and thus where i've started out from. Minor pentatonic, plus the blues notes, and we're off.

Sorry for the jargon...

Yeah, so enough about music already. Yesterday was an enjoyable day. I broke my rule of playing the guitar in the canteen today. Again. Sigh, sooner or later I might unwittingly degrade into a poser. Damn it. But it was for a good cause, so hopefully I can try to excuse myself. We made a live rendition of Project Kayda. In the canteen. With kayda in the canteen. With calvin sneaking off to the piano to hide his blushing face. It was quite a foolproof plan, for calvin of course, to finally reveal his feelings for her in a smooth and gentlemanly fashion. I mean, how long more must he WAIT? There are so many other guys after the girl, and if he doesn't hurry, he may just lose out. Forever.

Chances don't come by very often. If they pass you by, you lose it. No turning back. I try most of the time, even though sometimes i know i will fail. I do it because i'm afraid i will look back one day and feel sorry for myself. And regret. And feel the anguish. The pain. The bitterness. I don't appreciate it very much. So i try, even if I try to eventually fail. So that I can move on, and not leave myself hanging. Sounds stupid, retarded, or even nonsensical. I never said i wasn't.

Well, if only calvin would understand that some day, he will look back and ask himself if he would have succeeded. This question will forever weigh on his mind, and pressure his soul. The worst thing is he won't ever find out. Because he never tried. I did, i failed. But so what? I know that I failed, and so I have found my closure. Only then, can we move on.

Entrophy. Forever trapped in our questions. Forever trapped in what's ambiguous, what's unknown. That's scary, frightening, terrifying. But the line between this kind of entrophy can be breached through the simple action of trying. At least this sort of entrophy. Sometimes, all we have to do is try, and we'll have our questions answered. Maybe we won't get the answer we want to hear, but at least we can progress. Isn't that enough?

I fear rejection more than anyone. I promise you. But if rejection is what i need to avoid one instance of entrophy, why not? The constant fear and paranoia of hope, can be extremely painful. Hope that flickers, but also phases in and out of reality, such that even if you catch the point which it doesn't flicker, it may be phased out. And then you wait, wait on that hope. Pray that maybe, just maybe you will be able to catch it. I have been in this position too much, too long, and i'm too tired to let myself drop into it anymore.

The last thing i want to witness is that Calvin feels the same way. Like i said, entrophy. Each day he doesn't clarify his doubts is another day he wakes up feeling lost. He can avoid the questions, but they are still there. We can forget our wounds, but can we heal them?

Look, even if she says no. Do it, and get over her. Move on. Live your life. Your way. No one can tell you how to live it. No one can control the way you feel or think. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just offering you my opinion. From experience. I'm a victim. I don't want you to be like me. Don't be plagued by a disease you can never dispose of.

Rejection is a small price to pay to avoid the eternal damnation of entrophy.
Fucking scary? You bet.

-evan, I rest my case.

2006-06-12T03:34:00.000+08:00

3.34am... watched 2 world cup matches... portugal winning 1-0 now... eugene n guangyi just won themselves some money... but i shall not be tempted! I shall not bet!!!

Recent performances was quite a disaster though...
Mariage D'amour was not really fantastic...
The turnout of the event was meagre...
We were basically performing to a few ppl, and the air.. and the rain.. sigh
I was blamed for something entirely not of my fault...what the hell!??!

But like I said, its time to move on, get my life back on track... forget unnecessary events and unnecessary people... and simply do what i have to do.

Sorry Sanjay, my lovely singh friend, for enduring and tolerating my whining during this period fo time. All that complaining and nonsense was annoying, i know.
Sorry Nadiah, my lovely tudong mina, for spending your late nights counselling the confusing thoughts i had swirling around in my retarded brain.
Sorry Eugene, my lovely snow loving friend, for enduring the late nite emo sessions where we came up with stupid songs with stupid tunes.
Sorry Chin Cheong, my lovely guitarist(who can't really get the rhythms right, and can't really play solos, thus allowing me to fill in the role and LOOK as if i'm good but i'm actually not), for listening to my random ranting of how life sucks and how I'm a whiny bitch.
Sorry Calvin, reluctant songwriter, for turning your song into another wsllb creation... hope you enjoyed it... and sorry for being a guailan kia.. it's just me.

We all have our limitations and boundaries, that restrict us from what we wish to become. Yes, not everything is as such. I mean, if i were to devote all my time to learning the guitar and pay enough money to hire a great teacher, I may eventually become a great guitarist. Some things simply will not change. Or, somethings require too much to facilitate a change, such that it is not feasible to do so. I am bounded by chains too strong for my arms to break. Like i said, entrophy. Crazy idea, but plausible? Probably. What do i need to sacrifice in order to gain a companionship? Is it worth it? Probably not. Call me desperate, whatever. We all feel the same way, its just whether we can admit it. I can, so yeah, call me desperate. You'll realize you're simply calling me, what you are deep down inside.

Then we'll go back to the masks and everything. Damn. Long sucky philo shit right?
I try to be as real as possible. I try to be as human as possible, or am i trying to not be human? If social constructs taught us humans to be fake, then maybe i'm trying to be alien. I'm different, i guess. Not in a particularly good way or bad way, but the fact that i'm not someone who actually fits into the mould of a popular person, means I'm not one who is socially accepted.

Well, that's besides the fact that i do not sniff my dandruff or look like a clown. Maybe i do look like a clown, but that's subjective. Hopefully, in my favour. But in being real and in trying to be as non-hypocritical in behaviour(excluding juicy gossiping sessions), I become anti-social. I become guailan. I become ungentlemanly. I become mean. So what is mean? Mean is being brutally honest? I don't know. Someone enlighten me. I get this comment alot. I'm very straightforward. I'm very honest. Such a nice way to put it. I'm sure it gets worse. I just don't get to hear it, cuz people don't say it in front of me. Probably it's going on between another person's juicy gossip session while bitching about me. Perfectly normal, I do it too. Human nature.

But I don't act as if i'm your best friend, if i do have some sort of hidden hate towards you. Some people do. I know. I've seen. It gets terrifying because you have to be conscious about the people around you, and you have to be wary about what they really feel. Then again, we will never know. It creates this tension, this unease, this atmosphere that creates static in the air. What lies under everyone's mask? Is he really my friend? Is he saying what he really feels? Paranoia, indeed. Mr Yeo has taught well. Often it is what we DON'T KNOW that scares us. It is what we can't escape from. Social constructs will always exist. This is school. School can get so scary. Wait till you enter the workplace.

Its inevitable, which makes it even more scary. Unavoidable, but we can't ignore it because it can't be avoided. Why would some god create such an environment? Yes, there may be a thousand rationalizations... about how we must learn lessons...
Can't be substantiated... and thus there is faith. I don't have that kind of faith. I cannot believe in something that has such shaky foundations.

How do we know there is a god? Even if there's some sort of supernatural occurence to suggest there is god, it may just be some supernatural being, whether it is god or not, how the hell do we know?

We can't trust anything anymore. We can't trust anyone. I can't trust myself. I'm not even sure that after i remove the masks i know i'm wearing, there isn't any others remaining on my face.

Entrophy. Fucking scary man.

-evan

2006-06-11T19:33:00.000+08:00

the download our songs page has been updated with our new stuffs.

feel free to download. limited to 25 downloads only.

=)

-gene

2006-06-10T01:58:00.000+08:00

omg 4-2!! lolz...

-evan

2006-06-10T01:30:00.000+08:00

3-1... in favour of germany... lol ... there goes eug's money, helmi's money, angmoh's money... unless some sort of miracle happens n costa rica wins :P

No long philo post from me today, or long emo post.. thank goodness right?
I've moved on, I suppose. Life goes on, A levels at the end of the year!
Time to put it all behind me and move on. We're just acquaintances, who could have been friends, but can't be. I can't be your friend, and so i won't msg you, won't disturb you, and won't make it difficult for myself, or you. I'm just a guitarist, not your guitarist. A guitarist. See ya.

-evan

2006-06-07T12:44:00.000+08:00

hi everyone!!! haha...haven't posted in decades!...well... its been hectic and THIS WEEK's worse!!!...got two performances one day after the other....as a result....got practice....juz came back from camp...i'm really tooo shagged up already man... i have no energy anymore... been missing the WSLLB study group things also...3 lessons..haiz...its hard...really hard..juggling too many commitments..its juz one week and there's so many things to do... i really don't know wad to do now.. i don't know wad kinda state i'll be in next week...after all my performances...its fun but it really takes the life out of me amidst all my other work...i'm worried..i'm freaking out..i don't want to lag behind...but ... i guess i'll just have to work extra hard...to get back on track...this is a post juz to rant and rave about how i'm feeling now...and i really hope the WSLLB guys will help me out over the things i've missed...and i'm really sorry for not being present this past week..well...we'll juz see how things go...as i said...its really hard now...really really hard...

-who else??? me lah!(sanjay)-

2006-06-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

after studying, im sort of feeling tired. feelings of varying degrees, but extreme, being tossed ard in my head.

if only u can hear my words.my song.
the emotions that i try to display.
through those lines.
will it ever come to a day
tt at least u can get to noe my name.
but i noe that wont happen.
but maybe u can just give 2 hoots abt me.

haha.randomness has taken over me.i seriosuly dunno what to say.oh well.gd nite every1.happy studying.

2006-06-06T19:46:00.000+08:00

i agree with evan on what he feels. about how you need to have been through the rough patch of things to be able to appreciate how it is to have it good. how one must have gone pain to be able to appreciate just to be there sitting healthy and doing nothing.

nothing seems to be permanent, is it? pain could just be short-term, so would be depression. things changes as you move on with life, meet new people and so on. just that at certain points in life, you seem to find that you cant find any purpose, meaning to what you are doing daily. many people do not appreciate what they have, as so do I. We will probably never learn to appreciate our friends, our parents until they are gone from our life. I just miss living with my dad so much.

right now, i too just feel lost, wanting to be doing something meaningful, wanting not to be wasting my life away, or so i try. But what is that something meaningful, I can do, at the same time while I am focusing on my studies?

-gene

2006-06-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

Hi, its me again. It seems that no one else is posting. Well, I guess i'm the only discontented and repressed person in need of some sort of relief through blogging. Well, this is my mode of relief. Skip this if you don't want more abstract, random ranting. Yeah, i'm a bitch.

I will never really understand the meaning of loneliness.

I had been ranting on about how lonely and pathetic i feel. But the truth is, I don't really know how loneliness feels. Why? Cuz i've never stopped feeling lonely.
Think about it. You will never know the value of money until you're poor. A rich man will never see money the same way as a poor man. Since i've always been "lonely", I've never felt not-lonely, and so... I am not really lonely. Confusing, but to me it makes perfect sense. How many times have you come across girls who are not fat, but call themselves fat and need to cut down on their weight? It's all relative.
I have no comparison, so how will i ever know the real meaning of loneliness?

There was no beauty in the world if there wasn't an ugly comparison.
There is no fast, if there is no slow.
There is no good, if there is no evil.
There is no light, if there is no darkness.

If everything is based on comparisons, what is the true meaning of everything?
What is good, if good is only "not-evil"?
What is beauty, if beauty is only "not-ugly"?
What is life, if life is only "not-death"?

Not only is everything based on comparisons... Now, things are based on each other.
Beauty has been copied, replicated and stereotyped. Obviously beauty can be subjective, but if you wear the skirt below your knees, look like an orc from Lord of the Rings, scratch your head and smell your dandruff openly, dig your nose and eat whatever sticks to your finger, and whatever else that goes on behind closed doors, you are not beautiful. But what is beauty? She has certain habits, she dresses a certain way, but is she not beautiful? Or rather, is she "not-ugly"?

Then again, there is a difference between beautiful and "not-ugly". According to my common understanding... not-ugly would be around 5/10 on the general scale of looks.
Beautiful would probably be above 7. Well you see, there's even a scale for these things. But then again, this measurement is based on comparison. If that dandruff smelling girl was the only girl in the world. She would be a 10/10. Hard to believe, even debatable. But still, the ONLY girl. And you've never seen another girl before in your entire life. She's the only pussy you're gonna get. Although there might be dandruff in her pubic hair, and she might have horrible yeast infections. But if she's the ONLY girl, and you've never seen better, 10/10. Hands down. Don't even think about saying no, if you do, you're lying.

There would be no such thing as what a girl should or should not do cuz she's the only one around. She is the trend. Dandruff smelling is the in thing. Maybe dandruff smelling is part of foreplay. Grandma skirts would be smoking hot too. Who knows shit eating may be next. Whatever.

We never treasure what we have. It's human nature. We always want more. And more. We want to cross the boundaries, transgress them and move forward. I can understand. It's only human. The insatiable hunger we all possess. The undying fire of passion in our hearts, to want more. Greed, hunger, ambition. We can't rid of it. Maybe we can't get rid of it, but maybe put it aside? For awhile? Possible? Maybe. Maybe not.

I have failed to treasure my so called loneliness. It could've been worse. I want company, i want so much to not be alone. I want so much to love, and be loved. But what's the point? I'm going to want more, and move on, and cross the forbidden boundaries of the love laws. Sooner or later, it'll all amount to nothing. The solution to all of this, is to not compare. But this solution is not feasible. We ALWAYS compare. All our definitions are based on comparison so much so that we feel the need to compare in order to define. Basically, we're all stuck.

We can acknowledge the fact that we're screwed, and there's nothing much we can do to help it. There's no solution. We're trapped, in this maze which walls, constantly changing. No escape, entrophy basically. Isn't this life? Isn't this "not-death"?
Trapped in our bodies, trapped within social constructs, trapped within the rules, trapped within the roles we have to play, the stage we walk upon, the great SHOW of all time. The director set it all, the roles we play, the body we're in, the social constructs we follow, the rules we abide, the stage we must act on, the entire masquerade. We are the actors of the show, some of us act without knowing it. Sad. Maybe not so sad. At least ignorance could be bliss. I'm not ignorant, at least not in this aspect. I acknowledge the shit that's happening, but I can't do a thing. More sad, probably. Helpless, constricted, bound. There's not a thing i can do to help myself. So what if i know?

The director never shouts cut. Until he finishes mocking me. Until he finally decides he's tired of watching me flop. Under his rules, definitions, whatever. Then he grants me death. That which is "not-life". Even then, who knows? I may be free. I may not. Because if ghosts exists, they may be on another stage. Another set of rules, where another bastard directs another stage, another "life" where he mocks us. Again.

Entrophy. Fucking scary man.

Aside from all this existential discourse, I have been feeling emotions i've never felt before, all rolled into less than a month. It's crazy, but i'm sure we've all had that experience. It's crazy, definitely crazy. I don't know. All these emotions, all these feelings, all these tears. We may be superficial, but this is raw, pure and not fake. We may all be evil human beings, but I can promise every tear that left my eye was not fake. I mean, how can we fake tears? Alone? Yeah, i'm weak. I'm feeble, I'm human. Maybe its just excuses. Maybe not. I care for you. alot. I love you. But i can't even love myself. You've told me a million times how much I need to have more self-esteem. I know i need it. I know i need confidence. I'm trying. I'm giving my best. I'm not pestering you about it anymore. It has been festering in me since I can't even remember. It tires you, drains you, frustrates you, and that's the last thing i want you to feel. Especially with all your other problems. We all have our bad days. When i posted what i did, it was what i felt then. It's crazy how much we fluctuate. Mood swings, they call them. I've always thought i would never experience such mixed emotions, volatile feelings in such a short span of time. You've made me a little more human, a little more aware of what I'm capable of feeling, a little more alive. It's stupid the way we must communicate through reading blogs. But it seems the only way we can be truthful. You've never been telling me much of anything, i'm not talking about your problems, but about how you're really feeling. I'm guilty too. I've treated you really badly... and every time it hurts me. It pains me because i cant show you the concern i want to. I fear slipping deeper into the chasm, further down the pits. Platonic friendship. I fear this phrase. You know why? It makes the relationship so cold, the lines drawn so clear, the brick wall so high up, the boundary so clearly marked. Friends. Bandmates. Period. I'm terrified. We can be platonic friends. But i'll always love you. I'll never forget you. I'm serious. Even though it might seem that i hate you. Trust me. I don't hate you. It isn't your fault, it isn't anyone's fault. You have your barriers, and you have your reasons. I know. I don't blame you. I never blamed you. If it's anyone's fault its mine, because i had to fall in love with you. You might not feel this way, or ever feel this way, might even say that everything is meaningless.
We've said too many sorry's. Too many apologies. Too many misunderstandings, too little communication. I enjoy your company, in fact, i thrive in it. It makes me so much more alive. The past few weeks i've wallowed in self agony. I've imagined your voice over the phone, you're jokes that you think are funny but never fails to irritate me, you're beautiful, beautiful smile, how you have crazy food cravings in the midst of serious work, how you're intelligence never fails to amaze me. I've seen where i've erred. I seek forgiveness, I seek an opportunity, a chance to at least redeem myself.

Can we take apart this brick wall, piece by piece? It's far too difficult for me to do it alone..Help me. Aid me. Assist me in demolishing this brick wall, that I have constructed due to my own lack of confidence. Even if there's still a glass wall behind, I pray my bones will grow stronger and more resilient, so that finally the glass wall can be shattered. Even if it doesn't, at least I know i've tried. That at least I can remove the sorry you have for me. At least this entrophy will be less cold. Or at least...

I've tried.

Please? Keep me company? Please?

-evan

2006-06-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

ahems. with reference to calvin's previously posted lyrics,
we have decided to be nice people (eugene and evan) and make music out of his lyrics for him.

oh well at least, we tried.

lols

song link available here for download -->

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=6759F1B42810FDC0

the lyrics are here(quoted from his entry):
nvm.well.this lyrics r wad i have thot of over the nite.i kinda got inspiration listening to Jay Chou's 园游会. thats a nice romantic song.so i penned the lyrics over the night and this morning.

Dedicated to her.(Could be any1.)

I miss the smell of your home-brewed latte
I miss the nights we hunt down your favourite satay.
I miss the days of carrying your neverending shopping bags.
I miss the ways you hit back at those anonymous tags.
I miss doing hmwk together.
I miss the times which seem forever.
I miss you.

I miss the times u cheer me on.
While i was running my 2.4
I miss the worried expressions you worn
When i suddenly trip and fall.

(Chorus)
If this pain
Was meant to be there from the start.
I would rather have more of it.
Tho i noe we have to be apart.
But i wld leave knowing i had tt little bit.
Little bit of your love.
Little bit of your love.

I love the way u play with my hair.
I love the momenets we once share.
I love the sweetness of your smile
I love your decorations on my econs file.
I love you.

Repeat Chrous.

I clasp my hands.
Sat down and pray.
That somehow.
There will be some other way.
And that you'll be back.
To complete my entire day.

Repear Chorus X1

-gene and evan

2006-06-01T09:51:00.000+08:00

oh well. i feel trapped. confined into this small space when i cannot roam about freely. what i mean is that. when i feel like just taking a few days off studying, i will feel the guilt, some sort of panic within myself.
and then yet, i don't seem to be engaging in any constructive studies these days.

I know what im supposed to do exactly, which is to really concentrate on my studies, but i don't like it, which is why i cant put my mind to it. there is a lack of motivation on my part. i need a source of motivation, something to push me. i need to be jolt awake, to remember that I have less than perhaps 20 weeks to my A levels.

theres so many things that i want to do. i wish that this just wasnt a year whereby i face a major examination. if so, there wld be so much things i would want to attempt right now. like the 3-week airborne ranger course.

today's the 1st of june. thursday.
i hope by the end of this week. i will jolt myself to life and start serious revision. else im screwed. really.

-gene

2006-05-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm feeling desperate. For some sort of intervention, for some sort of help to descend from the skies and enlighten me. Yes, we all feel confused at some point in time. I am in that situation now. This confusion is rather puzzling though, and strange too. Well, enough about my confusion, no one's interested anyways.

I stand by my notion, that people hardly notice the little things.

Well, I do. I guess it isn't really fair that I cannot get worked up, but you can. You had your phase to go through. I was wondering if it occured to you that probably i have mine too. Now. People just don't realize things like this. The world does not revolve around one person. Certainly not around me, which is why i'm not asking anyone to tolerate or put up with my shit. At least those who aren't close to me, or those who don't mean anything to me. They can curse, swear, backstab, ignore me, whatever... but it doesn't matter because they don't mean anything to me. It doesn't HURT. But if you mean something to me, and you blame me for what i'm doing, I'm just sorry that I didn't blame you. I guess I was just asking for trouble, putting myself on the line, which is absolutely true. But did it have to come to this? I would have appreciated you ignoring me, but blaming.. You know what? Maybe it's just my fault, my own wish, my own insignificance and redudancy, which contributes to the fact that no matter what i do, no matter what i say, nobody cares, listens, or even ignores.

I never hated you, it takes alot out of someone to hate. You did nothing wrong. You just did nothing. So its my fault. Again. It always is. I never should have started this. I never should have tried for something past a glass wall, when all i had were fragile bones too brittle, too weak. The glass will never break, in fact it became a brick wall. Forget it. Forget everything. Forget I existed. It's not that difficult.

-evan

2006-05-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I've posted. Just feeling abit caged, and compressed.
Painful, claustrophobic, getting breathless.
Air runs out, with every breath i take. My life slips away, but isn't this what we are all doing? Every breath we take, we draw closer to death. I am drawing closer to death as i type this entry.
How can i leave an impression? How can i change the place im in? How can I leave a legacy?
It's simply so difficult to answer such questions, so tough to achieve anything, especially now.
It's the start of the June Holidays. I'm nowhere near ready for the A levels, or for anything in particular. I'm just drifting, floating near my body as it does what we all do.
I'm feeling the pain of being numb. Contradictory, but possible?
Maybe the most painful wound is not one that hurts, but one that doesn't.
My wounds don't hurt. The abscence of pain hurts me. Because my body can't register the pain, cant heal the wound, and i'm stuck as it festers, rots and decomposes.
Soon, it will spread, and destroy the very shell that I exist in. And then, will i feel pain? Will the numbness stop? Will i start to live my life?
For i am not living now, I am being here. I'm existing. Most people are, simply... existing. But is it enough? Not for me.

Is it enough for you?

-evan

2006-05-28T06:43:00.000+08:00

oki, here goes... i have juz chiong finish a nite of work and iam freaking tired.. and i jzu realise alot of editing needs to be done.. so wat do i do now?? btw, hope my darling's ok le... haha.. so super duper tired... tell ya wat, iam juz gonna use lecture notes to reteach everything for geog... cuz wat i did was to put in sum xtra stuff into the geog cuz i cant summarise everything and its all quite summarised already... for drqs and essays, i do it that day and give u all handouts(sorry guys, iam a bastard but i shld have known it coming) for econs, i got the notes out as usual but the drqs(nth much to teach) and essays(most points inside the notes already) u all gd luck... nw come to the crux of my prob, MATHS... i tink i gonna ask u all to complete questions of the big stack of prelim papers or i juz gonna use my teacher's questions which i wld giv out on that day oso, or i wld juz print ques fm my porcupin bk. for the notes, i gonna juz giv u all formulas and juz explain it on the day while doing, cuz dats wat my tutor did to mi and i completely understand normal distribution.. oki, dat shld b all... and btw, my darling is sick, so bind the notes on another day when she gets well and pass u all the notes can? cuz geog can rearrange 1 rite? haha.... haiz, td is a sad day, cuz i din get a wink of slp... hmm, mayb i did get but i din get 10 winks of slp... ^-^ cyaz later, i gotta go touch up sum shit....

-KK(the tired and panda eyes king kong)

2006-05-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

ahas. things been rather okay recently. my application for FA was approved, GP was okay and today i proved my point that most pretty girls are dumb. (be glad i din post photo of you eating up here) hehs.

tomorrow will be meeting up with the guys for notes compiling and cross-checking. im very tired.. but i will work through the night (like clement) to touch up on the remaining stuffs of the notes.

ive been through a period of depression for quite awhile just a week back. but everythings quite fine right now. =D

nobody's been updating recently. i guess everyone's busy. with the notes and school stuffs. everyone's tired.
exams exams exams.

oh wells. i think ive just met this very amazing girl.
=D

-gene

2006-05-20T20:37:00.000+08:00

after today, im once again inspired, my dreams and ambitions refueled.
i will keep my focus, my determination on track.

to set out for my final destination, the skies of Australia, Tamworth. to beat that two months airgrading and not quit halfway like i did last year anymore.

this time. im prepared. i truly am.

-gene

2006-05-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

its been sometime since i first blogged. have a lot of work to do.
my life is one big fat zero right now. nothing going on in my life at all perhaps for except for school work. nothing nothing nothing.

and yet i still find myself racing against time with just 11 days to complete the notes for the fellowship. i must tell myself to stop slacking and finish everything asap. or else im doomed. its my responsibility to finish the notes that i have promised to complete by the 27th.

i hope everyone else is doing well with theirs, and i hope for the benefit of all, that the notes are good.

ive finally cleared my standing broad jump with my first jump on monday, 232 cm. Clinched a silver finally. my 2 mths reduction in NS =D
finally. the only one thing to be happy about.

many movies coming up. who wants to watch?!

-gene

2006-05-08T18:40:00.000+08:00

after many complains that our song download links cannot work, i have seeked for yet again, another file hoster to host our songs. lols for those of you who want it, its up again on another provider.

this one is easier to download(no waiting time) for the non-tech savvy.

--> Click here to download all our songs <---

-gene

2006-05-08T09:21:00.000+08:00

Yes... I need a job... I have no money, no honey, and nobody loves me!!!

I can't help myself with the honey bit, and thus the nobody loves me bit... but at least i can work towards being less poor.

Hopefully i can put my string striking skills to some use, and create as less noise as possible, while getting paid for it. Yeah, its my sort of dream you know?

To have an audience genuinely clapping, and acknowledging my existence. Yes, its hard to achieve. But at least, its a dream. Well, a double dream since i'm doing it with a fantastic vocalist, and that's about it, i suppose...

Now i realize the meaning of
"I tell you i love you every day for fear that tomorrow isn't another"

It's absolutely true Mr. Sas, I fear that tomorrow isn't another. And that tomorrow will never be the same again. It's scary, frightening, painful to imagine.

But it might still come, and throw my world into a state of disorientation, destabilization and paranoia. It's amazing how our lives are all so Gothic. Even without us realizing it. We live in constant paranoia of losing something. Losing everything that means anything to us. In fact, the loss of one of these things is able to shake the pillars of our reality.

I don't want to lose you. Even though I never had you. I don't want to let this fade away. Not now, not ever. So i'm paranoid. But can I be blamed?

-still sad and lonely... but less philosophical since there's too many things on my mind. yeah, its me evan.

2006-05-07T01:41:00.000+08:00

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WE HAVE A NEW SONG AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD AGAIN.

CAME UP WITHIN 10 MINUTES, RECORDED UNDER AN HOUR!

its called NO MONEY NO HONEY NOBODY LOVES ME! its supposed to be a totally nonsensical song that attempts to resurrect the dead and break all the glassware in your house.

available for download from here:

--->DOWNLOAD No Money No Honey Nobody Loves Me<---

Lyrics:
I have no money
I have no honey
Nobody loves me
We’re so sad
X2

We’re so Sad, lonely and poor
Broken cheated no life
We should all go die x2

Pretty girls (charming guys) don’t come my way
Why like that? X4

2006-05-06T20:13:00.000+08:00

HELLLLLLLLLLO GUYS! THE ONE AND ONLY ALBINO IN YOUR CLASS IS FINALLY POSTING!

and of course, its on the FUN IN THE SUN, KAYA IN THE BUN SENTOSA TRIP THIS VESAK DAY!

BRING ALONG YOUR TANNING LOTION (make sure its not stiffler juice), AND YOUR SEXY BIKINIS! ALLOW YOUR SKIN TO SOAK IN THE SUN!

yawn im tired. okay bye. angmoh.

2006-05-06T13:22:00.000+08:00

well well.wad an early post from anon.i think its evan..but i cant confirm it anyway.i got my long-awaited hair cut ytd.u all say its much better, my mum, grandma and dad feels its one of e worse haircuts i ever had.generation gap? i dunnoe.

seems like recently some of the members of e fellowship have diff sets of probs.dun despair. u nvr noe wad will happen nxt.maybe it will turn out ok?

nvm.well.this lyrics r wad i have thot of over the nite.i kinda got inspiration listening to Jay Chou's 园游会. thats a nice romantic song.so i penned the lyrics over the night and this morning.

Dedicated to her.(Could be any1.)

I miss the smell of your home-brewed latte
I miss the nights we hunt down your favourite satay.
I miss the days of carrying your neverending shopping bags.
I miss the ways you hit back at those anonymous tags.
I miss doing hmwk together.
I miss the times which seem forever.
I miss you.

I miss the times u cheer me on.
While i was running my 2.4
I miss the worried expressions you worn
When i suddenly trip and fall.

(Chorus)
If this pain
Was meant to be there from the start.
I would rather have more of it.
Tho i noe we have to be apart.
But i wld leave knowing i had tt little bit.
Little bit of your love.
Little bit of your love.

I love the way u play with my hair.
I love the momenets we once share.
I love the sweetness of your smile
I love your decorations on my econs file.
I love you.

Repeat Chrous.

I clasp my hands.
Sat down and pray.
That somehow.
There will be some other way.
And that you'll be back.
To complete my entire day.

Repear Chorus X1

Haha.hope this attempt at songwriting is nt a lame effort.i noe its super corny.and super boyband like.feel free to give any suggestions.rubbish it.complement it.anything.thx.

have fun studying!
Calvin.

2006-05-06T10:11:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry. I guess trying to find out what you won't reveal isn't helping anything.

I never knew that whatever i said would make you feel tired. You're really too tired to handle anymore of my nonsense. I know, I just wasn't aware. Forgive me, I promise it wouldn't happen again. Not this way.

I can't help you with your problem, I won't know it, I won't try to find out.

But what I can do, is at least bring a smile to your face. I try my very best, everyday, everytime i see you, to make you smile. You ask, so?

My answer to that is simply, that every ounce of energy that i succeed in making you smile, i remove one second of sadness from your heart, and i instill one second of joy to your heart. Hopefully the smiles are true, and not just a mask to cope with your unhappiness. Maybe it is now, I hope it won't carry on. At least not for long.

Hopefully, you can soon see hope, and find an answer to your troubles. Someone, somehow, someplace, I don't know. I want to answer your cries, but I don't have the ears to hear it. My arms are not needed to shoulder your problems.

It's all right. All i ask, is to be here if you need me. If.

It's true, you do have a beautiful smile. But it's not your fault. It was never your fault. Let this smile remain, and who knows. One day you will smile from your heart, always... and truly be, happy.

2006-05-04T10:36:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how complex the human mind is. We can never tell what another person is thinking inside... hence the subject on hypocrisy, but i won't go there. Not today.
It's strange how many barriers, walls and fences we have up against the outside. The hardest part is removing these barriers, and not tearing them down. Its a slow process, long... hard... and it takes time, alot of time. Impatience and haste, will all fail if we were to want to succeed. We cannot remove these fences, unless you want to remove them.

How much do you know a person? How much do you tell yourself you know about the person?

The mask we all wear shields us from harm, from hurt, from showing our true feelings.
This mask also prevents us from being true to ourselves. Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, it is simply human.

We are delicate, weak, and in need of strength... which we search in various places for. I find my strength in you, in your company, in your personality, in your smile.
But I know, that you may never feel this way. Not about me. Even if you say so. I will never make you feel that way you feel about others. I understand the meaning of that. But i cling on, because I don't have to be reciprocated. I don't need an answer.

I simply ask for the chance, to be there when you need me. That's all. Nothing more.

These barriers and walls cannot be taken down so simply, and I acknowledge that they have been up for a long, long time. It takes time, yes. I just pray it won't take forever. Will I ever get to see you for who you are, and not the masks you present to me? Will I ever be able to you for who you are, plain you... unshielded, unmasked, and true?

I will be there when you cry, every time, as long as I am not bounded. Even if the barriers are up high, and all i can offer you is my prescence, I will be there. As long as I can help you smile, or watch you smile, there is meaning to my life. I know I will never be able to breach the last, thin layer of glass. I will never be able to see through it, because all I see is my reflection.

I am alone, but I will not let you be alone. Unless, you tell me to leave. I promise.

2006-05-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

everyone's so stressed up...

how about a day off our stressed and troubled lives?

class(limited) outing to sentosa on vesak day holiday next week(friday)

-gene

2006-05-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

i'm hurt.i'm down.so confused.it hurts when i breathe.i feel heavy.i'm lost.help?

-so much for being the motivator-

2006-05-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

i was pleasantly surprised today and felt more at ease because of two things that occured today.

1. when i called clement today in an attempt to get him to go out and slack, his response was that he wants to stay at home today to do his work. he's doing the geog notes for the fellowship.

2. i received an sms this afternoon from helmi telling me that he wants to check out human geog work this friday.

when i came out with this study plan for the whole grp, i was abit doubtful whether it will work out. after all, all the people in our group are very very lazy people and are slackers(which includes me). i was worried that this wouldnt work out. but from what i see today, we are really in serious business this time, we are all doing our work conscientiously. great! i think the notes produced by everyone will be top quality.

im really confident now that this study plan will work out for all of us. lets really do well for the mid-years and give ourselves a morale boost!

and now i better go log off and finish my maths stuffs for today.

-gene

2006-05-01T13:33:00.000+08:00

life's been really dull recently. but i guess its for my own good isnt it?
at least i can find time for studies.

time to sleep less and work more.

NAPFA is also like a few days away. dont clear a silver for my standing broad jump, and thats it.. december PTP here i come. whereas others are enjoying their long awaited holidays, me and evan will be packing up and getting ready for army.

no no no. we must give our best shot. i will conquer standing broad jump.
>.<

-gene

2006-04-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

Alright more pondering over issues here from your 4 legged friend... this is in response to sanjay's post as well as a few answers of my own that i provided to his questions on superficiality. I dont propose to know the answers, but if we can both help each other find these answers perhaps it would be for the best eh? I had this conversation with him bout 7 hrs back so i will recall to the best of my knowledge the points i gave him.

Firstly, yes i do agree with sanjay on the fact that most friendships are built upon perhaps our need for acceptance and need to voice our feelings, this coupled with our ability to click with total strangers. Yes perhaps most of us wont be able to say that we will sacrafice our lives just to save a friend. That we will go out of our way just to aid a friend in times of troubles, that we can safely say that we will help them out in every single thing. Some might say that to find such a friend is perhaps the ideal friendship, a true friendship most would say. But consider this, this is our perception of an ideal friendship, we are perhaps limited by our own selfish vision, nadiah asked me this. Keith how can you agree and yet disagree with a question? Simply because that no matter is ever so simple, no matter is easily shelved into black and white.

Human nature gets in the way of us achieving this ideal friendship. We sadly are natural born survivalist. Yes given a choice as to save or be saved. We would choose the option whereby we get to live and a friend dies. When most people enter a friendship, expectations are formed. Its from these expectations that perhaps our sources of bitterness arise, when a friend meets a certain criteria, or meets our expectations we accept them and raise it up to a higher level. When they meet those expectations again we likewise expect more out of them. When does this end? Will our expectations of that person ever be satisfied? No, sadly enough no. Its good that we have these expectations of people, it benefits everybody. But we must not forget that we are not perfect, that we cannot be perfect and likewise we cannot expect other people to be as well. Its our desire for these perfections that conflicts arise. Ask yourselves, how many times have i expected this out of a friend and he or she has failed to pull through? Why didnt he/she help me out when i clearly needed it? Many times i would expect. Once again our human nature has gotten in the way. We cannot expect everyone to help us out in our every need, our every failure. Sometimes it is the friend who is silent, the friend who hears and sees your pains but lets you pull through it yourself that is the true friend. The friend who knows that somethings are better left for one to sort out by themselves, and will help you find those answers yourselves.

Then again this is my own view on the matter. No one is able to form a longlasting and honest friendship with every single person they meet. Such a thing would destroy a person, both his individuality would be gone and his mental state. Such a person would become guarded, would be trying to please and help reconcile the differences in views with for all the parties involved. Such a person would ultimately lose the very ideals and values that he/she would stand for. If you stand for nothing, how can you stand for anything? Its our nature to set requirements, to say that i am your friend because of so and so and so. Yes evan, this is the hypocrisy that pervades our world. Its the hypocrisy that exists because no man is perfect, because no one would be able to meet our requirements of that perfect friendship.

I am a man in search of the answers to life, i can honestly say that i will never find them all, no one can. But its the very act of searching for these answers, both universal answers as well as personal ones, that enrich our lives and enhance it all the more.

Though our ideal of that perfect friendship cannot be met, we will meet on this earth people who will help us out, who despite all their human failings, will do more then it is required of them to help their friends out, who are known to you as you are known to them. These people are ultimately, easily the closest to our ideal of that perfect friendship

Ponder upon this quote guys.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Henri Nouwen

Keith---> A face to many, a name to some, a friend to few. (the nature of our existence isnt it)

2006-04-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

Ok... I have split the posts so that they look short. LOOK short. =) Well, I havent done very much this past weekend.... I wasted friday away jamming.... and today(saturday) going for a audition at sajc... which was a heck of an eye opener. The REAL pros. I am nothing... more of a nothing than i thought i was. It really gave me a wake up call! There's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more to learn for guitar. Oh well, I still have the army days to brush up. Obviously we won't make it for the audition... but it was all expected. Competition was simply too strong.

Songs from velvet revolver... nirvana... yellowcard, corinne(dunno how to spell) may, the darkness, christian songs... self composed songs... everything.

It was like watching a concert. Literally, cuz our performance didnt really contribute to the "concert". It didn't even qualify as a performance. More like a circus act. I am no longer a guitarist. I am a person who hits a guitar pick against a guitar. I hardly make music. I create noise.

Good luck for all other ppl who auditioned. I know for one that there was a band who played smells like teen spirit by nirvana... and they had a drummer who has a diploma in drumming. Whoever from pioneer who went for the solo auditions... Good luck to all.

So, it's time I started studying before its too late. Honestly, I havent been doing any intensive work on the team schedule we have worked up. I do have sunday and monday... So, its gonna be pretty darn hardcore. Probably more hardcore than sado-masochism in porn. So you get the idea. Hardcore mugging. Oh man....

Sanjay: I won't betray you lahhhh... (heh heh heh) I promise (heh heh heh)

If being superficial with someone means being seemingly close to them, but yet maintaining distance without them knowing... Is that not hypocrisy?
Then, isn't superficiality, hypocrisy? and the so-called "real" hypocrisy, is just an outright show of hypocrisy? Well, hypocrisy is just hypocrisy... just to what extent.... it doesn't have to be an outright display of hypocrisy for it to be hypocrisy. If you murder a man by a sledgehammer, you murder the man. If you murder a man by a needle, you still murder the man. You still get sentenced to death. No difference is there? (remember, just my opinion... and my perspective... you don't have to agree...)

Well, now that we have acknowledged the fact that superficiality exists, and hypocrisy exists... I guess brooding over it would be no use. I mean, what's the point in becoming affected by something that cannot change? Hypocrisy cannot be removed, superficiality will always be there. No two friends will be close to you in the same exact way.

Yes, I blog about dysfunctional things... I highlight them, but I simply state the obvious, try to provoke thought... and then move on. I can mention these things again for the benefit of those who want to know, or those who don't know. However, these depressing yet true things do not really bug me anymore. As i mentioned earlier, we cannot change these things. We don't have the power to mold the way society functions, and that is where hypocrisy and superficiality stems from. Society. Society cannot be changed by me. I'm just an individual, and I'm too lazy, even if i have the power to change society. Let's all acknowledge the dysfunctional side of the world, not be engaged in our ideals, and thus move on to make the best out of this situation we are in.

Life is too complicated to be simplified... but let us try to make sense of its complication.... and then find a way to work around it... so that it does not affect us... that much. There is still hope in this world. It is dysfunctional, yet functional in its own way. It's fascinating why we are here in the first place(may touch on that later :P). Well, probably this will give some hope to those pessimists out there... some call themselves realists... Whatever the case, maybe this will drag you out of the pits of agony, at least a leeeeetle bit.

2006-04-29T20:25:00.000+08:00

I can smell the wick of the unlit candle... and I am struggling to light it. Whether it will burn or not, I don't know. My chances, are obviously slim... But I have to try. It is slowly attempting to catch the fire of circumstances. However, it flickers, on... off... on... off... Sometimes, I simply tell myself its not worth it, and it may just refuse to light... and that the flickering light of my life's bulb will really extinguish. But, I cling on to hope. At least I try. If I fail, there's no one else to blame. Hopefully, slowly, but steadily.

Mr. Koh : "When does belief stop, and faith begin?"

-sad and lonely individual... who is feeling ambiguous now as things can go either way... so either he becomes ecstatic or pained...yeah its me evan.

2006-04-29T17:41:00.000+08:00

jas: but i try on other coms no problem leh. you know the blue words on top on the menu? click on it. will bring u to another page. click on any of the white links. when u reach another page, wait for a few seconds, the link to download should appear and just right click on it, and select "save target as".
well if it still doesn works, use the mirror site, i have added a mirror site for you to download from (you can see it from the "download our songs" page). but it will be a zip file containing all the songs. cos im lazy to upload one by one to another hoster again.

in response to sanjay's post.. i do agree that perhaps friendships at our level is indeed superficial. but i don't think we can help it. i believe that friendships are forged and fostered over time, and after sometime together the trust between in each will simply be there despites of quarrels occasionally etc.
but look at it this way. is it possible for us to have really strong friendships nowadays? it seems that whenever we have a change of environments, we have a change of friends (i mean for us students). and then the friendships that we have painfully built up seem to just fade away as you may try to get your friends out but they seemed to be always busy or have already forgotten your existence, being in different schools.
perhaps some people are able to maintain strong, non-superficial friendships. but its just hard i guess. luck and environment plays a certain factor.
for me i guess. i would define friends as people whom i spend my time with, mostly. i wouldnt let them all in on, there will be somethings that i tell them and some things that i don't.
as for the question of whether i will try to save this person or not, it would actually depend on how much he or she was a friend to me. i know that there are perhaps 2 friends, to me, that i will try to help, to the best of my capabilities, if they were in need. but probably, just this two.
as for the rest of my friends, i will just restrain the amount of help, and just do the least required to help them. (as a courtesy)

side-tracking a bit, im feeling really tired these days attempting to do so many things a day. wish i could just squeeze one day into my schedule whereby i can just go relax the whole day, go downstairs and swim, chill with all my buddies in the steam bath and just slack the whole day. it wld do me some good and take some stress of me.
well im quite satisfied today. today's been a constructive day studying with the ever pretty mel. (are you honoured to see your name here? thanks for the chocs btw ahas) im quarterway through my maths contributions to the fellowship! ive completed my tutorial and tys questions on functions already. time to look for extra questions and move on to binomial theorem den go for consultations before embarking on my share of work for geog and econs.
yea sorry guys if ive been abit of a nuisance and keep bugging you guys on your progress. but do try to understand my position. i dont really like to do all these either, but someone has to do this work, nevetheless.
sighs
i hope everyone's progressing well.

-gene
*tired*

2006-04-29T12:13:00.000+08:00

good morning everyone... its a fine saturday morning and hope everyone is getting the deserved rest that they need... i know schedule is tight now but remember to take care of yourselves man.. don burn out and lose steam so soon...pace yourselves aite... we'll all make it in the end if just balance our priorities here and not neglect them. anyways...juz felt like a good day to post and i've not done it since my grammatically challenged entry..haha...

there's been an issue that's been pounding my head over the past few days and i juz feel like its worth mentioning... are all our friendships to an extent very SUPERFICIAL?? ask yourselves.. here is someone so close to u.. u tell him/her alot of ur thoughts...more than what u reveal to other casual frens... and u juz have a tight and close understanding of one another...but how far would u go to save this person?? to put urself in a situation where u involve urself in the problems of this close fren and go all out to be selfless for the better of this fren?? most friendships juz take place when ur in school...thats when we press "play" to the friendship and it takes place...after u get out of school, it is "stopped." ur association with the other person is completely cut off...is that superficial?? go figure..(dennis yeo's favourite ending statement)

don't construe this superficiality as being hypocritical...there is a very clear distinction...if u are hypocritical, u outrightly show ur discontentment with the other party but my point is for those who genuinely care for ur fren and can consider that fren one of the very few whom u would be comfortable and open with..think whether when it comes to really being there for that fren u would be available or would u shun away from that responsibility?..i have no answers to this topic coz this thought juz hit me recently when someone told me "if u could chose between me dying and u dying, who would u choose?" i know this statement is a bit extreme but it is a trigger for thought...

people might see ur relationship with someone as being very close because of the way u interact with that person but is our interaction with that person purely on the surface?? someone else recently asked me if "ABC" was to betray me, how would i feel?(by the way.."ABC" is a person's name and she thought i was very close to that person)...i told her i wouldn't care if he did betray me and i wouldn't be surprised coz i don't feel attached to that person... it wouldn't bother me much...so is this really a close and good frenship or is it juz that we are good acquaintances... our physical interaction could be deceiving of our true value of a friendship...

in the end, is it really our selfish motives that deem our friendships to be superficial?? maybe there are true frens out there who would be able to completeley sacrifice their well-beings to cater to the needs of their frens...but to what extent? and at what point will they be able to do it?? does this sort of friendship require u to establish a platform so solid that both can define it as being a space of common grounds to tread on??? i do not know... but i do know that these friendships are hard to come by and some do not even experience it throughout their lives... if someone is able to come and tell me that they have a friendship in which they can give up themselves and lose all thoughts of personal gain to aid their frens..then i'll say there is depth to that friendship and will respect that person for his/her courage... till then... i'll just lean towards believing that up till a certain point, all friendships are superficial...

-who else??? me lah!!!(sanjay)-

2006-04-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

guys. today is the 28th of April. just a reminder.. we all have exactly 4 weeks from now to complete all the notes and studying and cheonging for the fellowship.

i hope that everybody's progress is steady and smooth. 4 more weeks isnt a lot. considering you all have to cover maths, econs, geog/lit.
please work hard. for the benefit of the entire group, please work hard to produce quality notes for everyone. sacrifice more of your time please.
we can do it. hopefully we can achieve average of Cs for the entire group.

Managers please monitor your people's progress on the certain subjects.
study hard people!

take note of the following changes:
1. for econs, do check whats tested for mid years, and focus more on what is tested.
2. sanjay will not be doing 3d trigo anymore. so 3d trigo is up to your own already.
i have included the online lecture website for 3d trigo in the 3 pcs of paper you received. go check it out.
3. evan will be sharing certain parts of differentiation with liyi. please work out who's doing what asap.
4. sanjay will be sharing certain parts of integration with keith. please work out what parts you all are doing asap.

i hope everyone is progressing well for the benefit of everyone.

do remember that we are working as a team. if one person gives up, the whole ship will sink.

out, -gene

2006-04-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

yawns. in a response to evan's post.. i am so tired im falling asleep too.
tink we can both just screw the studying. lols
study tomorrow perhaps.
maybe pon school? i dunno. tomo only got 2 lessons so i dunno if its a good idea to pon or not.

>.<

anyway mel rockks cause shes going to get me chocolates!

yawns again

-gene

2006-04-27T22:55:00.000+08:00

70 years from now, we will all most likely be dead. Yes, it is quite true. However, I'm not ready to spend the rest of my life moaning and groaning about my eventual death. There's simply no point. It's inevitable. The system we are in is also very much screwed up, but again, its the inevitable. There's simply no point. The same thing applies. Are you ready to spend the remaining 1 year left in this system moaning and groaning about the A levels and how it is coming?

I've heard alot about how the Singapore education system differs from others, and how many students react rather strongly to its flaws. Indeed, I agree with them, and I am not in favour of the Singaporean education system either. The right way, is the practical way, and thus the safe way. Yeah, we are safe, protected and unharmed. But is this what's best for us? There will never be the abolishment of monotonous and mechanical processes of examinations and rigid timetables. They are too afraid to attempt a radical change in curriculum to attempt something "creative" as its too dangerous and unconventional. Well, whoever said the conventional is the best way to do things? Times have changed, and new times require new methods, especially when our teenagers are going to become our future workforce. Being taught to answer examination questions, rather than fully understanding concepts is not going to benefit quality of the Singapore workforce in any way, other than to fill in forms(which is alike some sort of exam format). Simply put, we are not exposed to what is deemed "unconventional", and this bars us from experiencing and learning. Remember, that one must first learn to fall, to learn how to stand.

However we disagree with the current education system, we cannot deny that we are stuck in it. We cannot escape it(escaping will cost a great deal of money). So instead of spending our precious time complaining and feeling depressed over school and how the education system is not up to expectation... Let us find a way out of this crazy and result-orientated system, by actually playing by its rules. It is after all, only a year to go.

-sad and lonely individual who is falling asleep at eugene's place even though the main objective is to dowork

2006-04-25T18:35:00.000+08:00

new songs available to download by eugene and evan btw. its on the top menu.

just look at the yellow words at the top, click on them, after that you gotta wait awhile before the download is available, right click and "save target as"
=)

Set me free and Not Easy.
cheesy stupid songs that we created with our limited knowledge and our retardness. nevetheless we have decided to be kukujiaos and to upload our songs

oh well anyway the lyrics you can read from here la ah:
---------------------------------

Set Me Free – Eugene and Evan

Verse :

I used to like this girl, so far away
Oh so far away oh so hard to get
She used to walk past me oh just like that
Her lovely smile so tough to forget

Pre-Chorus:
I can’t get her out of my head
I can’t figure out quite when
I wish that I could hold her hands
Take her with me and run away

Chorus:
Set me free ( from the clutches of your love )
Set me free ( From the shadows of your life )
Let me see ( add your colours to my )
Life……………

Repeat same thing. End on Verse
------------------------------
Not Easy

It's funny
How it seems(is)
You're so close(just next) to me
Yet so far away

I can't seem
To look away(To close my eyes)
You're captivating
so alluring

I tell myself to put you aside
But I know that i can't hide

Are you not what i've been waiting for, all this time
Is this not what i've been hoping for, all my life
If only you weren't waiting for somebody else.... Then you could see me

if only it was just... that easy.... x 2
if only you could just... see me....

signing off..
-gene

2006-04-24T20:16:00.000+08:00

harrowwwwwwww! angmoh is back! using his bruddahs comp cuz his comp is screwed. so, lets talk about our gp teacher mrs murthy. honestly, do you guys think shes a good substitute for ms soo soo eng? i honestly see no difference in teaching style or method, other than that murthy goes through discussions in class. poor nadiah has taken over my role as the great apple polishing gp rep. can she cope? i couldnt. we'll see if poor nadiah can. sorry for saboing you nadiah! :/ didnt mean it. hahahahaha okay on a less serious note, we have to do some waseelinlao bei hokkien songs! :D

angmoh

2006-04-24T10:17:00.000+08:00

...the links are failing in their potency...
Eugene pls fix em...

Keith suggests putting it in the tagboard... and Sanjay is attem*p!ting to destroy my post 6569836 yes that is what5 2i 85me2an842.3963.9.. stop it!@!... 93695329.....******** ok stop stop.6... ok

I am still paranoid of his fingers.. if you know what oioh hho mean.. :P

The class guys have collectively come up with a plan to better improve our study environment... by splitting up topics for economics and maths. We have also included one person to the group, who is non-male, and non-human.. who is not poultry... Hmm, i wonder who...

Hopefully by mid years5 566 we will be able to improve our grades substantially and kick ass... the other cohort's ass. That means your ass. =)

-bored anonymous person... yes, sad and lonely too, and at the library... with a donkey and a terrorist.1234567898 7654321 <--- constant terror for you.

2006-04-24T01:20:00.000+08:00

this is a post where we consolidate all our songs within. songs and lyrics that we have written and recorded are available here. its just some random songs that we came up with. some cheesy sad songs. mostly sang, written and played by eugene and evan. so yea listen at your own discretion.
=) we would love comments though.

Click
here to download all our songs

MIRROR SITE (IF THE ABOVE ONE
DOESNT WORKS

Instructions to download: Click on any of the above links, you will be directed
to a site called ezfiles. you gotta wait awhile ( a few seconds ) for the download to be prepared. after the download is ready, you can click on it and the song will be downloaded! alternatively you can right click on the link and choose "save target as"
do inform us if there are any problems with the links.

2006-04-23T19:25:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have decided to start a new post so the first one wouldn't be too long... The incessant complaints about how my long posts are starting to get to me... although i stand by the notion that "if you don't like it, don't read it".

Well, I shall start off by asking one simple question. Have we all forgotten the small things that make our hearts flutter? In this very much sexualized world of ours, are we starting to jump into the physical aspect of a relationship rather than the emotional part?

I, being the less sexually experienced, do not know the pleasures of delving deep into the female anatomy. But this post is not about a bitter individual who is deprived of intimacy with the opposite sex. I'm not saying its wrong, or anyone should not do it because i havent. What I'm trying to bring across is that sometimes, we indulge so much that we forget the basics and the fundamental aspects of our lives... not only in relationships.

After we get to the later bases, base 1 is no longer that significant. It becomes a "habit". Soon, courtship simply means jumping straight to base 4. Maybe the occasional base 3. Return to the core of the relationship... sometimes, the basic things can make you feel more... feel closer... feel more attached... feel more emotion than some whamming and bamming.

Take a break from the banging once in a while, indulge in some less sweaty dates and more of those breezy long walks along the beach. And no, not with the intention of getting some poonani later. Yes, this may sound totally non-guy... but try it.. take off that guy-mask of yours and think about it with your own mind, own conscience, own desire. Maybe we all desire the wrong things... the things that we are told to desire... Maybe sex is truly as over-rated as it seems. I don't know.. Who am I to say... I had a shot at it yet. But you do. Think about it.

-sad and lonely individual who is unsexed... and resisting the temptation to rape eugene who is sitting beside me now... muahahahahaha

2006-04-23T19:12:00.000+08:00

Hi... It's been quite a few days since i posted... as the day before yesterday was the Night Jaunt 2006, and i had to spend yesterday hibernating... So yes, i am yet again at Eugene's place blogging. Forgive me for a long post for today, it's been 3 days!!

Well, the Night Jaunt was all right... We only managed to get in 2 trails of the Night Safari... plus we only had 2 hrs to roam the nocturnal habitat... Well, I suppose it wasn't really the highlight. Ben and Jerry's was, however, but I couldn't afford it.. being the poor and impoverished person. Damn. I swear I'll have some of that scrumptous ice cream after i get my first army paycheck.

I'll leave out the details in the middle where nothing really eventful occurred... There were transvestites...blah blah blah... some more food at geylang and the cemetary... which was not really that exciting but heck, it was fine.

The funny thing was, that I had never felt so thrilled about entering a haunted place before. Old Changi Hospital, it'll be a place I will never forget for the rest of my life. The atmosphere itself was definitely creepy... dark, mosquito-infested and the like. It was dirty, smelly, dusty, but I enjoyed it. I went there once previously with my 05a08 classmates... Sankaran, Sivanessan, Sindhu, Stanley... and i was truly scared. But this time it was different. Starkly different from the previous time. I was afraid when i visited the first time... and I was engulfed in this terror, this horror that some ghost, or ghosts may be staring at me from an empty dark room... or i might hear a bloodcurling scream when we walked past the long, claustrophobic asylum lane. This time, I was thrilled... and my heart was racing throughout the entire journey... I could hear the beating of my heart, pounding, thumping against my chest. I was no longer afraid because Old Changi Hospital no longer mattered. It stopped existing, in that very moment. Compared to the previous visit, my heart was racing for more than one reason. It was thumping away not only because of what lies within, but also because who was within.

-sad and lonely individual, who is more sad and lonely because he knows some things just aren't meant to be....anonymous(yeah yeah it's me evan)

2006-04-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

life's been really dull and boring for me recently. maths maths and more maths is what i see almost everyday. and yet my maths doesn seem to be improving much. this will not do. if i continue this way im screwed.
hahas yesterday was one of the not-so-dull days. i had the honour to go out with this very cute girl for lunch after school =) ! and then went home to sleep for 45 minutes before going back to school to report for night jaunt.

oh well night jaunt wasnt as far as i expected it to be. cos we were quite restricted in a sense. we first went to night safari, had fun seeing all the animals in the dark. bad thing is never get to eat ben and jerry's cos me sanjay and evan were on a budget! next time i must get to eat it.

we were pretty much quite high in the bus, singing songs and cheonging the high notes in the songs, harmonics and all. cos we were still quite energised!

after night safari, head off to east coast for dinner at 10+ pm. we ordered satay, shared food with the A03 people. hahas got to know quite a few a03 ppl better. janice, sze min, liu zhen and don etc. quite fun! after that we headed off to changi village, to see the trannies! it was quite boring. nothing much also.

next stop was old changi hospital. again, this was rather boring. we only explored one building which wasnt scary at all thanks to the bunch of ah bengs who were disturbing people there. we wanted to explore the so called more scary building but we werent allowed too. maybe we shld go back next time in small groups ourselves. red house was crap too. we went there to see only the entrance and stone lions thats all.

supper at geylang wasnt too bad. we had dimsum which turned out to be quite solid and cheap too!

the cemetery walk wasnt scary at all too. no atmosphere la. they only brought us to walk the pathways. nothing else.
after that we headed back to school already.

boo. so much for a night jaunt.
lols

-gene

2006-04-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

hey, any1 interested to come for e MI carnival on 6 May 12-5 Toh Tuck Campus? it will be on a saturday tho.. i still have 6 tix.

btw.i received a revelation todae.and it felt good.no longer were things a blur to me anymore and it now become clearer.now i noe why certain ppl do certain things to me.i can take it tho.its alrite!haha.

-calvin, who is now having stomach ache.As a result of drinking bubble tea laced with green apple.

2006-04-20T19:22:00.000+08:00

aye aye..hi hi hi!!...oooooo....i post post today...i many many days never post...i think i have something good to be saying....i not good commanding language english...so hoping u all understand what i am to be saying...ok..i say like this..u got many many time like don like one person then suddenly one day u and that person become good good frens?? i got happen like this before.. and today because we toking toking then i think about this thing...i last time got one fren..he join my class late late...we all already good fren then he come in...then he come in he think he so big shot...then he tok to the teacher liek he everything oso know one...i thinking he very big head and think we all not good in studies...so i don like him..i complain to one black fren of mine(SAN***AN)..i tell him this boy very showing off and think he so smart..then my black fren telling me that that "smart" person oso complain about me...he say i tok stupid stupid things and ask stupid kueshtions(i dunno how to spell).. wah!!...i getting so angree already and i everytime see him i don tok and i complain about him alot...so me and him do not like each other...then one day...on my birthday..my mummy give me surprise birthday party..i shoked when i got home...i fall down on my bed when i see all my close fren at my house...but i bigger shok when i see this "smart" person come my house to celebrate..i dunno wad to be telling him..i was very touching by the moment...he was very very sweet... at first i very puzzle why he come but later i was happy...i now tell u why i happy...after the birthday we become closer..and we know we can mix together...because he and me taking same subject...we have break together...then we tok tok alot...we joke joke...we play around..we eat together...and i stop ignoring him...soon...we become very very good frens..and then now...we still very very good frens...and we together got many many events that we do together...i see him like my very close fren..and i am so happy and proud that he is my fren because he is a true person and he help me alot...we oso play music together...and we like to touch touch one another(we not gay)...but after everything...he is a person who i can tok tok with openly and be true with...and because of this...i thanking him and everything that make me and him be good good frens...CHEERS EVAN!

-who else??? me lah!!!(sanjay)-

2006-04-19T13:57:00.000+08:00

Just in case there is any confusion about who this "blah blah blah individual" is... It is not me, I am usually the "sad and lonely" individual who has some sort of biting remark or mildly saracstic tone to it. Obviously the previous post is not from me. I'm sure the lingo differs, if you know what i mean =) I believe he should be our official gamer, Calvin. Well, i hope he gets over the emotional distress he is experiencing now. After all, I am an advocater of Life and its larger issues. *wink*

Anyways, this is one of my rare posts in which i do not mention so much about Life, but rather about an event that is going to take place this Friday. The Night Jaunt 2006!!! I have missed the past 2 Night Jaunts in my life in PJC, now i have finally decided to not miss my final opportunity at participating in this event... Carpe Diem, and i shall not let this opportunity go to waste.

We will be going to these places:
1.Night Safari
2.East Coast Lagoon
3.Changi Village
4.Geylang
5.Red House
6.Old Changi Hospital
7.Marina

Well, what interests me is...... the NIGHT SAFARI!!!! I havent been there for so long and I cant wait to go see the animals!! ... yes, i have exaggerated .. but yes i feel vaguely this way.

Most importantly, this Night Jaunt is a perilous journey into the unknown and dysfunctional side of Singapore. Quoted from the consent form for this event,
"The transvestites /pimps there might beat you up and that would cause us unnecessary paperwork" That's danger for you... and for me. Well, I've even heard of cases of molest during previous Night Jaunts. However, it seems that they are more concerned with the paperwork!! That makes me so much more part of our big Pioneer Junior College family =)

Oh yes, eugene is -gene... do not mistake him for the me... I don't want him to get stabbed or hated for my sarcasm ... such concern from a friend :P Yeah, the hypocrisy...grr....

And.....Soul food for the day!! : If you could contribute to the poetry of Life, what would your verse be? - Dead Poet's Society(a boring movie to most people, an inspiring movie to me)

-the anonymous evan... who has repeated that he is sad and lonely... but does not require any god damn election... and insists that philosophy is not life but life is philosophy =)

2006-04-19T11:05:00.000+08:00

recently, i discovered that a girl that we all noe has been showing obvious signs that she DO NOT like me, esp during econs class.what she did was so obvious, yet she did that probably thinking that i do not noe that she is talking abt me.well I DO. and this has been around ofr quite some time already it seems..and i really hope that things can clear up. i hope tt this person or group just stop doing this kind of things and just speak ur mind.just tell me why u dislike me in anyway.

though i hope that the blog could be an avenue to solve this issue, but im nt putting up too much hope.cuz i noe very well that i cant realli change what ppl think abt me.i just hope to clarify things and at the same time hopefully to solve it amicably.

-an individual who is now trying his best nt to think too much abt the issue. calvin

2006-04-19T09:27:00.000+08:00

Well, I said I wouldnt be philosophical anymore. I'll just talk about Life =) I'll simply talk about the ice cream, and not the cone =P Sorry, kingkong, if you are disappointed. My posts will be shorter though, so it'll be easier for you to skip them =) Like i said, if you don't like what i post, don't read it. Simple as that =)

Ok, mp_friendlyfire 0, so no more sarcasm for the waseelinlaobei mgmt.

btw, run the elections for all i care, if it didnt work for eugene, it wouldn't work for me. And besides, if you attempt to send a fake girl to punk me i wouldn't believe it either. So, yea... I'm still going to post about life... muahahahahaha

-sad and lonely individual who will remain like this, because there will be no response from any stupid election, and the only one would be a fake girl sent to punk me... This is from an anonymous person(guess who?)

2006-04-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

when i have time, i shall attempt to teach all of you blog readers to sing hokkien songs.

i will use king kong as my teaching aid.

wait for my next post. it will be a post with some form of teaching aids to teach u all to sing some hokkien guas.

so yea. checkout the blog soon ar.

-gene

2006-04-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

haha....
iam not gonna tok abt evan again... he promised to stop philoing unless he wans us to give out pictures of him to unwilling mrt passengers as well as run the "elections" for him....
btw, muz say gd try for our pjc ruggers....
thou i dun understand rugby, but that 5secs of "woo, pia pia pj" for every 10-20mins of kicking to the out line is quite amusing and xciting....

btw, i dun hate philo ppl, juz hate philo ppl wif v long posts and a geckoish face that gives nitemares to every virgin.....

oh yah, tell ya sth.....

tml is gonna be a wednesday..........

-KK(going to call my darling soon...)

2006-04-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

senseless! lets post about other things from now on instead!

-gene

2006-04-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

OMG!! mp_friendlyfire 999999
what the hell are we doing!!
Stop this civil war!
sv_gravity 0
(everybody presses spacebar)
sv_gravity 999999999

Let's stop this. Seriously. Lolz

-sad and lonely individual who is calling a cease-fire as this is totally senseless, meaningless and controversial. No use arguing about it between ourselves. With others, maybe more interesting =P

2006-04-18T10:48:00.000+08:00

Rephrasing king kong's post, it would basically mean : "i hate LIFE!!! all the crappy life, iam gonna go crazy "

well, you should be better off dead then, since you hate life so much =)

hmm.. and eugene's post is most interesting...
"haha its okay, you can "mock" me. i dont mind, you can call me juvenile for all i care. i find all these very laughable and in fact, very dumb."

In fact, im not "mock"ing you. I am resisting the temptation to mock you. If ignorance gets you any further in life, I suggest you continue being ignorant. The sudden realization that life cannot be simply ignored, could be too much for your feeble mind to take. Oh well, I don't know about you, but I simply cannot live my life ignoring what it is about.
Like i said earlier, philosphy is simply life transcribed into words. It's as simple as that. Why is it crazy? Are we too numb to life that we deem it too complicating to understand? Obviously, Eugene fails to understand that, or rather he chooses not to. Obviously, its his life and he can choose to live it in denial. No, I am not a control freak seeking to change his life, nor am I being personal and attacking him for who he is. I just disagree with his ideology. And of course, I may be wrong.

Well, what he says is "laughable" and "very dumb" is most amusing... Its as good as saying, "Hey! that's very funny! HAHAHA!" without telling a joke. In fact, its a incredibly weak attempt at trying to be sarcastic. Well, I seriously recommend not attempting to use something that you really don't understand. You may end up looking stupid, juz like some of the amusing comments i received earlier.

Unsubstantiated arguments... sweeping statements... random ranting ... complaining and childish shouts of "I don't care!"... Easy to tear down. I don't intend for you to look intellectually challenged. I'm not saying you are intellectually challenged, but at least by how you express yourself, it's pretty darn evident. Well, at least when you retaliate, make it somewhat intellectual. Not just flowered with flashy vocabulary, but at least with some sort of content, or else it'll just give me another convienient and easy avenue to rebut... I really, really hope its just your language capability, and not your intellectual capability. I really do.

-a sad and lonely individual who is flaming his own classmates!! OMG what the hell... okok I promise to post shorter posts... at least i'll try :) ( I am still amused by the tags that came in 10 mins.. lol!)

2006-04-18T09:52:00.000+08:00

haha its okay, you can "mock" me. i dont mind, you can call me juvenile for all i care. i find all these very laughable and in fact, very dumb.

so yea. enjoy your life from your philosophical point of view.
well done.

-gene

2006-04-18T09:46:00.000+08:00

1st of all, iam not gonna reanalysis gene's post....
on the other hand...................................
i hate philo stuff!!! all the crappy philo, iam gonna go crazy and juz log into blogger.com and log in and delete evan's<---especially EVAN,keith's and sanjay's post.....
juz like ytd's movie of dead poets society that i did not get any meaning of any shit that guy is saying, i dun get any shit that all of u r saying either.....
arghxxxx mayb we r all people full of shit that live in this shitty world that aliens send shitty people(mayb evan) down to curse our shitty lives into a piece of shitty crap...

alrite, going toliet now..... shitting i tink

-KK ^-^

2006-04-18T09:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm... "screw all the philosophy, we all lead stupid lives" I'm resisting the temptation to call that juvenile, as I have a few posts ago. Well, Eugene is supposedly my friend and i am thus not entitled the priviledge of mocking him. Oh well, the hypocrisy once more. Well, he is entitled to his point of view and perspective, and of course he has the right to live his life in whatever way he wants to. Well of course we have to keep in mind the boundaries of society and government and all that stuff. So do we really have any right? or are we just operating within this confined "freedom" we are given? Hmm... confined freedom.. how ironical.

Is philosophy, philosophy? Isn't philosophy just what life is about? So by screwing philosophy... are we screwing life?

2006-04-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

screw all the philosophy, we all lead stupid lives. final.
go easy on all that shit people. lols this is meant to be a light hearted nonsensical blog where we do gay stuffs (oh yes i do consider occasional philosophy shit as gay stuffs, but not too much! too much is overkill ahas) and just gay around providing an avenue of entertainment and relaxation and just get ourselves a few laughs by the responses we get?

lols don brood too much over it people about the flames. I feel that there isnt a point. hahas flaming is good. we can just look at it and laugh at it.
and talking abt life
yes we go to school, we study things that we don think we would ever use. Southern Oscillation and how it affects the pressure at Tahiti and Darwin? Integration of ln x?
wth.
i want to do business at uni. what the heck do i study the physical geog human geog and maths that deals with such complex crap. do you think i would need to do trigonometry equations to solve how my business is going to work? (assuming that i do start a business in the future)
fact is. we are all stucked here, in this college, with the friends that we hang out with, and yes yes we are hypocritical. but does it really matter?
hahas
i choose to live in self-denial.
i choose to escape from all my problems (my, you will never imagine the mountain-tonnes of problems i have that i can probably spin off an entire tear-wrecking tv drama series based on just them alone)
but yes. i am keeping myself entertained and happy.

oh yes and i guess after i post this post, king kong will again attempt to re-analyse all that i have just said into a nonsensical blog again. ahas which is good.
we all need that entertainment dont we?

anyway. going off to bed soon. i desperately need some eye shut.
side-tracking a little: FUCK i bought a fucking ear-canal earphones that doesnt feels comfortable at all. and its $50. considering im broke, its a freaking waste of money. ah. sorry i needed to complain a little. human nature isnt it?

-gene

2006-04-17T21:43:00.000+08:00

hello guys more musing from your friendly quadrapad friend... this is just to add on to sanjay's and maybe to give you guys my 2 cents worth on the topic.

I think most of you have seen the adverts for East Timor, the caption interestingly enough says this "For the traveller, not the tourist". This here got me thinking about the way we approach our life in general. Are we life's travellers or tourists? What then you might ask is the difference between the two? I believe the traveller quests for a certain truth and meaning to his/her own individual identity, the traveller actively participates in this little journey we call life. The tourist on the other hand just contents himself with the perscribed sights and sounds of the city without engaging its soul.

You might ask me next "what do you mean engage a city's soul". Well lets take Singapore for example and hope we are not going to get branded by MOE as forbidden. Most tourists are brought to the same old places in Singapore. Newton Circus, Sentosa, Orchard Road, The Esplanade, etc. Yes, the tourist does see Singapore in a positive light as thats what the STB is suppose to do, but what about the other little places in this island we call home that is not displayed. All the small things that give this urbanised city a soul, that intangible aspect that perhaps binds some of us to this island? The traveller on the other hand, the traveller explores the dark and hidden recesses of this place and embraces it for all those places might have meant to other individuals. Clifford Pier is an excellent example, while not on the list of Tourist spots for the STB, one cannot deny the depth and richness of feelings invested into that area by our predecessors.

The question in which i ask of is this. Are we life's travellers or life's tourist? Are we limited by our own perceptions, by our own ideals so much so that we forget the most basic thing, that we are all human beings?

With this i leave you guys a note by T.S Eliot "Poetry exhibits the strengths and weaknesses of the human soul"

Keith--- Musing quite abit now

2006-04-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

ONE MORE THING!!!!!!!!!! EUGENE!!!!!!!!! I'M SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRRRRRRYYYYYYYY I DIDN'T COME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION....I REALLY WANTED TO COME BUT WAS TIED DOWN BY STUFF...U KNOW WAD I MEAN...NEW YEAR ALL...JAM PACKED....SO I REALLY APOLOGISE AND WILL MAKE IT UP TO U BRO....!!!!!! HAPPY 18!!!!!
HAVOC BRUDDA!!!!!!!!!!

-who else??? me lah!!!!!(sanjay)-